


The Perfect Holiday

by fandomoverload



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-09
Updated: 2011-03-10
Packaged: 2017-10-16 19:46:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/168702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomoverload/pseuds/fandomoverload
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lets say this is an AU where Brian and Justin have never met.  It's Christmas and Brian has just got custody of his son Gus and daughter LIddie.   What happenes when they meet a special elf?   Well you have to read to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Santa

"I’m ready for the using!" announced Justin Taylor as he entered the Winter Wonderland of his parents store.

"Oh my, here already and early at that, has hell froze over?" asked his best friend Daphne.

"No, it’s just that we finished up early today and well, it’s the beginning of my winter holiday, okay so I want to help out this year, I’m in the holiday spirit so sue me."

"Okay, well the costume is in the back but we have bigger problems Justin."

"What?" asked a concerned Justin.

"Sean called and he’s not going to be able to be Santa this year, and it’s an hour before we open this part up, we can’t find a Santa and everyone comes to see Sean anyways."

"Shit, fuck! What the fuck is dad going to do?"

"I have an idea but you’re going to have to really involve yourself this year."

"What do you have in mind Daph?"

Justin watched as the grin spread across his friend's face and then she picked up the tights and the striped shirt that the elf normally wore and looked at him.

"Hell no!" screamed Justin.

"Oh come on I’ll be gentle." Daphne smiled at her friend as she dragged her friend in the back of the store to get him ready for the kids.

Brian stood in the middle of the lobby in front of his easel trying to visualize the assembly that he was in charge of this year. Kinney Landscaping was not his company. It was his father’s and since the old man finally died he was in charge of running it. This was the year they chose to finally pick Kinney Landscaping to do, The Town Square holiday display. He was pissed. It wasn’t that he didn’t get the company, he did and he had worked for his old man every summer but he was an ad man and he ran his own company. Why the fuck did his mother want him to do this? Oh right, because he loved Christmas. Well he use to, but not after what happened , now he fucking hated it but he had to be strong for others.

"So what have you come up with?" asked his friend Emmett.

"The fuck if I know, but I’ve got thirty days, I mean we’re barely finishing off the damn Thanksgiving turkey and now I have to do this. This was not suppose to be my job he did this, this was his baby."

Emmett stood next to his good friend shaking his head. Brian was always busy, now he was spending the time that he should be mourning his father, being angry at him. Brian's father had just died a week ago in a tragic accident. Investigators were saying that he was drunk but Brian had believed his father when he said that he had stopped drinking a month prior to the tragic accident. But now he doubted that. The accident didn’t only take the life of his father but also of Brian’s best friend Lindsay and his sister Melanie. Brian should be taking time to grieve but he wasn’t, he had thrown himself into work and being angry.

"I’m sorry what did you say?" asked and obviously confused Emmett.

"I said I’m fine and stop looking at me like that. I’m just trying to think and then I have to pick up the kids before my mother has them brainwashed." repeated Brian.

"You should forgive her for what she said, she was just trying to help and she thought that she was helping you out, considering."

"Considering what Honeycutt? My mother called me a whore, told me I was unfit to watch my own children and told me that her filing her motion, was for my own good. She wasn’t trying to take them away from me because she thought I was a bad father, she just thought that it would be better if they were with her. Oh, then she threw in and it’s not because you’re gay honey, it’s just the type of gay that you are, what’s up with that?"

"Forgive her okay, the two of you need to come to an agreement, besides she had a point and don’t call me Honeycutt!"

Brian stared at his friend, he really was getting pissed, what did people really think of him? After the holidays things were going to get bad, he knew it and he really needed to know what his friends thought of the life he lead and if they were on his side.

"I need to ask you something and be honest. Do you think that Liddie and Gus are better off without me?"

"I wouldn’t say better off, Brian you love those kids and they love you. Gus can’t stop talking about you, he’s ten and he loves you and Liddie well she’s new so she’s just getting to know you. But whenever she hears your voice, her eyes light up and she just knows that you’re her daddy. Brian, you like to have fun and well, the question your mother is asking is if you are ready to stop partying and be a father."

"Of course I am! Besides, why do I have to stop partying? I just have to know when to do it. I mean look at Michael. He’s in the same boat as I am, he and the professor have a kid."

"Yea, but well the kind of relationship they have is different than you, and yours."

Brian stared at him before he asked his question.

"What was wrong with them?"

"Okay first there was Derrick, who was gorgeous, but he worked for a traveling nude circus."

"So?"

"We came to your birthday party at the Hyatt and he was hanging all out."

"Okay okay, fine I get your point. But come on, if it came down to it, do you think they’d give my kids to my mother? Things could get ugly. I could tell what she did when we were growing up, but she'd just get away with it, because they’ll say that she was a battered wife, she was, even I can’t deny her that. Then if it comes down to it, she can use the medical reason why."

"You really think that she would use that against you?"

"I hope not."

"Well I’m going to let you get to it, I have to go and meet George."

"Later Em, and thanks even though you were more of a distraction than any help."

Emmett smiled at his friend. Brian liked to make folks think that he was one of the meanest people around, but truth be told, he was one of the sweetest men he knew.

Gus Kinney was getting bored fast. He stood in line with his grandmother to see "Santa". He for one knew that there was no such thing. He knew that it was Sean. Sean was great, he had met him four years ago when he was visiting his dad. Sean and his dad were part of a club, for survivors. He didn’t know what that meant, what kind of survivor they were because the mommies and all the other adults were secretive when it came to that kind of thing, like he was a kid. He was no kid. He was ten he was a man. That’s why he enjoyed being around his dad, because his dad treated him like a person and not a kid. His grandmother didn’t think he knew but he did, he knew she wanted them for herself.

"How fucking much longer is this going to take!" screamed Gus.

Joan Kinney tried to paste a smile on her face, as she saw all the looks she was getting from the mothers, as she stood in line with her grandchildren to see Santa.

"Augustus Kinney you will not use such vulgar language! Yet another trait you’re picking up from your father. I will have to talk to him about that later. He should know by now that you are like a sponge, you pick up on everything."

"Yea I’m a sponge and I’m soaking up all your bull…."

"Enough Gus!" Joan screamed as she cut off his train of thought.

"Now go on and tell the nice man what you want for Christmas."

Gus looked up where he expected to see Sean all decked out in his Santa suit, but instead was some pasty white kid. There was a big sign that said Sunshine Santa’s Special Elf.

"Fuck!" Gus whispered to himself as he took a seat on the man’s lap.

"So tell me young man, what do you want for Christmas?" Justin said in his happiest voice even though he was so pissed at what he was wearing and the way he looked.

"Where’s Sean?" Gus asked.

"Sean who?" Justin asked politely, even though if looks could kill, this kid would be dead with the look he was giving him.

"I mean Santa." Gus said obviously getting the hint from the look.

"Santa is very busy, after all it’s Christmas time so I’m filling in for a couple of days. Now tell me, what do you want me to tell him you want for Christmas?"

Gus really needed to talk to Sean. Sean and his dad were friends and he knew that Sean would do anything for him if he just asked. But he wasn’t around and well ,this kid couldn’t do anything. He looked about eighteen. He probably was a Senior or something, but this was what he wanted to see "Santa" anyway, he looked at his grandmother waiting impatiently with Liddie so he decided what the hell.

"I want a new daddy." Gus whispered.

Justin didn’t know what to say. The poor kid wanted a new daddy. Was his real daddy abusing him? Should he call someone? What could you really say to a kid who asked something like that?

"Excuse me?" Justin stuttered.

"Yea you see I need a new daddy because last week my moms were killed and well, all I have now is my dad, and my grandmother feels that since he lives alone and likes to date A LOT that she would be a better mom for me and she wants me and Liddie to come and live with her."

"I don’t know if Santa could fill such a big order before Christmas."

"I know that and I know that there’s no Santa Claus I was looking for Sean. He knows my dad and he would have done it if I asked him, but you were here. Who the hell ever heard of a stupid Special Elf, what are you the slow elf. The one no one likes and this is the way Santa makes you feel worthy?"

"Hey!" Justin said upset by the kid’s attitude.

"Tell me kid, where can I find your dad? Maybe I can get Santa to help you out."

Gus looked up into the face of the elf. He really did look sort of odd, and he had been watching all those silly Christmas movies with his mothers lately about elves, and angels and people coming down to earth on Christmas bringing good cheer and what not. Maybe this kind of stuff does happen. He looked out in the crowd to see if his father was still at his drafting table he saw him at earlier. But he wasn’t he had already walked into the store.

"That’s him!" Gus practically screamed to Justin.

Justin looked up and he couldn’t explain the feeling that came over him when he saw that face. It was like he was staring at the face of God. He was single and he hadn’t made many plans to occupy his time, while he was on his vacation. So maybe, just maybe he could throw this kid a bone and get to know this sex god that stood about six feet away.

"I’ll do it."

"Do what?" asked an obviously confused Gus.

"I’ll tell Santa and we’ll see if we can help. Now go back to your grandmother."

As Gus jumped from his lap, Justin called out to his Mrs. Claus, Daphne and told her he needed a break. Just the look of the boy’s father was making his "Candy Cane" rise up for attention. That wasn’t good wasn’t good at all, but helping out this kid now that could be something special, maybe just maybe, Santa brought him what he always wanted for Christmas.

Chapter End Notes:  
i love all feedback postive and negative just don't be cruel without reason.


	2. Coming of Going?

Chapter 2: Coming or Going?

Brian had just finished brainstorming on what he was going to do with the display and still he had no idea. They wanted him to do both the inside and the outside of the entire mall for Christmas. This was not his deal, but he’d do it for Jack. Near the end Jack had finally realized what he had done to Brian as a child, Brian had forgiven him. But they said that Jack had been drunk, and the thought of that made tears come to his eyes. Brian had been the one who had to identify the bodies. All of a sudden, he was torn from his thoughts by a squeal of his name. He looked up into huge blue orbs.

"Molly!" Brian squealed back.

Brian liked Molly Taylor. He had met her right before his thirtieth birthday. She was young and she had ridden her bike down to Liberty Avenue looking for her brother. He was nowhere to be found though but she had walked in front of a car and fell of her bike. Brian had taken her to the hospital that night and she was there when Gus was born. They had been sort of friends since, even though she was about ten back then. She was twenty now and going to become a lawyer.

"Hey Moll, you home for the holidays?" asked Brian

"Yea dad finally got me to come back. I’ll admit I didn’t want to come down, I mean Morgan and I are happy and we had plans to go someplace sunny but dad wants everyone home this year, he’s even trying to get Justin this year to stay over."

"Awe yes Justin Taylor, you tell me he exists but I have yet to see him."

"Oh you’re in luck he’s right over…..damn you must’ve missed him he was on elf duty."

"I was so sorry to hear about Mel, I tried to make it but the funerals were so quick why was that?"

"My mom didn’t take it too well, she’s not taking it too well. She’s lost now without Melanie and she thinks that she might have been a horrible mother to us. In some cases she was, now she thinks that she can save her soul by saving the souls of my children. She filed a motion trying to get joint custody with me, but she wants them to be in her home."

"Oh Brian I’m so sorry, I work for a good firm, they have great lawyers there if you need help just say the word."

"Thanks mollusk, speaking of the devil I see my children. I’ll talk to you later."

"Mother what are you doing here?" Brian asked through gritted teeth.

"What does it look like? It’s Christmas time and I thought Lindsey would want to have her picture taken with Santa."

"There’s no Santa here, and Liddie won’t remember any of this, I came down here because you wanted me too and I talked to the people about dad’s commission but all I want to do now is go home and put Gus to bed and sleep."

"What has gotten into you. You love Christmas, I’ve seen how your face lights up the past years. The smile that I have seen, I never saw when you were growing up."

"What was there to smile about growing up? Oh, thanks I didn’t die when I was thrown down the stairs or worse."

"Daddy?" came the voice of a concerned Gus.

"Brian this is not the time or place to discuss this. Look you’re upsetting the boy."

"He’s not upset I have no secrets from him, he knows about my life and what happened to me."

"Brian you have got to be kidding me, you wouldn’t tell a small boy what happened when you were younger? He wouldn’t understand."

"I told him what a bad mother and a bad father could cause him. I told him what the difference between a mother who said I love you but turned away and a mother who barely said I love you but showed it in more ways then he could ever imagine."

"Lindsay never told Gus she loved him?"

"Melanie couldn’t because of dad. Now come on Sonnyboy lets go."

"No dad, remember I’m suppose to go to church with Grandma tomorrow you promised I could go."

Brian couldn’t believe that he wanted to go with Joan and not him. It would be easy for her to take him if this type of thing persisted. He would not show the hurt in his heart. He pasted on his best smile.

"Fine but she’s going to bring you home at noon and we’ll go to the diner for a special lunch okay?"

"Okay daddy, I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow."

Gus ran to his father and was happy when his father knelt for him to hug him and peck him on the cheek. His dad didn’t like much PDA but he obliged when it came to him and his sister. He didn’t really want to go with his grandmother. But he wanted to go to church, he just didn’t want to go with her tonight. Gus remembered what he told "Sunshine" and well maybe he would help out tonight, his dad had to be at his other job so he would stay with his grandmother.

Brian really couldn’t stay mad at Gus. When he looked at him, he saw himself. It was strange looking at Gus now though, because he also saw Melanie. The dark hair which was just like hers and the eyes. He took Liddie out of the carrier and smelled her. She smelled of strawberries just like Lindsay. She was blonde just like her as well, that’s why they had named her Lindsay. They thought it would be cute, then Brian had started calling her Liddie and no one liked that but now that Lindsay was gone, he just couldn’t bring himself to say that name anymore. So she would forever be Liddie in his book. He could feel the emotion that he always tried his best to hide away creeping up on him as he wiped a tear from his eyes.

"Brian?" asked a concerned Joan.

"I’m fine." Brian practically barked as he shoved his mother’s hand from his shoulder.

 

"My god Justin don’t you think that you’ve done enough resting? The kids are getting restless and there are only about a dozen left and then we can get on with our lives." yelled a desperate Daphne.

Daphne was his best friend she had seen him through a bashing, joining a gang, being blown up at a nightclub, and just about everything in between. She was great. They were best friends and they shared an apartment. He could tell her anything, he just didn’t know how she would take it.

"Justin are you alright?" asked a concerned Daphne.

"Daph have you ever felt like you could have everything in your life and it’s perfect. You did everything like you were suppose too but then in the end something just isn’t right?"

"Justin you’re really starting to scare me, what’s going on?"

"I was out there just now being "Sunshine" and you will not believe what this little boy asked for. He asked for a daddy."

"What? That’s awful. Which one is he? Is he still out there?" Daph asked as she pulled the curtain and looked out into the chaos of kids.

"No his dad came and they left with his grandmother."

"Wait I’m not following you." said a still obviously confused Daphne.

Daphne sat there and listened to her friend, tell her the tale about dead mothers and court cases and how this little boy wanted a father for his father so they could stay together but still there was just something about this story that made absolutely no sense. There had to be a reason for her friend to be so upset.

"Justin people are waiting. What has got you so upset and why is it, that you want to help out this little boy and his father? I mean, I understand anyone would want to help out a kid and his dad, but you are overly into this, what’s up?"

Justin looked at his friend and thought to himself could she be trusted. Would she believe him for once finally? Or would she still think he was nuts. He decided to go for it.

"It was him Daphne. It’s been what three, four years and well, it was him."

Daphne held back the groan that desperately wanted to escape her lips. She knew who exactly "him" was. Actually for awhile she didn’t believe in the legend of "him". You see, it had all started the night that Justin informed her that he was going down to Liberty Ave. to find a guy and fuck him. She wanted to go with him but she had a cold and was home in bed. She had let him take her car and they were keeping each other informed by cell. She was his cover story.

According to Justin, he was leaning up against some lamppost watching this club called Babylon’s patrons leave and according to him "the face of god" came walking out with a guy in some pink leather pants. Just when their eyes met and it looked as if he was walking Justin's way, I called him and told him he needed to get back. So according to him I cock blocked him.

That’s not where it ends though, according to Justin later that night when he went to see his sister in the hospital, who had broken her arm after a fall she’d taken, he saw the guy on the roof with his boyfriend. Justin had gone to the roof to take a smoke so he was disappointed when he saw them. Justin is certain that over the years they’ve met and I didn’t believe him. I mean I didn’t until the prom.

Justin was always bold and on prom night he went with his boyfriend, Chris Hobbs. Everyone was shocked when Chris came out of the closet and shocked even more, when he decided that he wanted Justin as his main squeeze. Justin and Chris had ended up fighting at the prom because Justin wouldn’t blow him in the bathroom so we left. We ended up, crashing this huge wedding of some lesbians that was being held in the same hotel, that’s when I saw him.

He was obviously drunk because he walked up like he knew us and he asked Justin to dance. The dance they shared could only be described as HOT and the kiss, man the kiss was excellent, but it was over quick, when a woman in a matching suit as "his" walked up and slapped him right in the face. She was screaming about he always had to ruin things, and why couldn’t he let her be happy or something. I think he had slept with her new wife or something like that but yea she and Justin ended up running down to the parking lot. Chris was so angry at what Justin had done, that he bashed him in the head with a baseball bat and….

Daphne was torn from her thoughts by Justin’s voice.

"I’m sorry what?" she asked.

"Jesus where’d you go? It was like you were lost in space."

"I was just thinking about him."

"Exactly Daph so now you see why I have to help this kid. I mean it’s been two years since our eyes locked and they locked on each other a few minutes ago. I haven’t seen him since Molly’s graduation."

"Justin are you sure he was there?"

"I’m sure, listen I can’t see anymore kids today. Tell Molly and my mom and my dad that I just had to go, okay. I need to relax. I came here straight from work."

"Where are you heading?"

"Babylon of course see you later."

 

Brian stood on the balcony over the dance floor at his club trying to feel the beat. He knew that he was getting to old for this, he was approaching forty but damn he needed to drink, he needed to drug, he needed to feel numb. No, scratch that, he didn’t want to feel anything. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Melanie and Lindsay. They weren’t alive though, it was the bodies he saw down at the morgue. He would never be able to scratch that from his memory. That’s why he had them cremated. He couldn't see them in boxes he just couldn’t.

He continued to stare at the bodies as they gyrated to the thumpa thumpa, and that’s when his eyes locked on him. He was blond, he was young, and he had seen him before. It didn’t matter, he hadn’t fucked him yet and it was time to let off some steam and get rid of all this tension.

Michael Novotny walked around the club frantically looking for Brian. He knew Brian, and he knew what was going on? Joan Kinney was trying to teach Brian a lesson, make him finally grow up. She didn’t really want the kids, but she wanted to see if Brian would fight for them. He would fight, first he would do a lot of boozing and tricking. Especially to get over Mel. Mel was Brian’s other half she was his sister, heck she was more than that she was….he was torn from his thoughts by a familiar face.

"Hey Todd, how’s it going?" asked Michael.

"I’m fine." he replied.

"Have you seen Brian?"

"Yea he was up there." Todd said gesturing up to the balcony.

By the time Michael looked up, he saw Brian heading out with a young blond in tow.

It was really hard for Brian to drive. The blond, who was only referring to himself as "Sunshine," was giving him the best blow job that he’d ever received in his life, as he sped off to his loft. There was just something about this young man. First, he liked the fact that he was young, and judging but the bulge in his pants he was very well endowed, for such a little fellow. It must be the drugs, but Brian knew, he knew this kid from somewhere. But the drugs were clouding his mind.

"Do I know you?" Brian asked as they entered his building.

"No." whispered Justin.

"Are you sure?" Brian couldn’t believe he was asking this question but yea he was.

"Maybe you saw me in your dreams, do you want to do this or not?" asked a overly aroused Justin.

"Yes lets."

Brian opened the door to his loft and they stumbled in. Brian tried to lead Justin to the couch but they just ended up on the massive black rug that Brian had in the center of his living room. Justin straddled Brian and rubbed his erection against Brian’s through the jeans, before standing up and slowing removing the blue jeans he wore revealing he wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Brian tried his best to suppress the moan that escaped, when he saw this porcelain snow angel standing before him. The boy has the whitest alabaster skin he’d ever seen. He just knew he had to suck, nibble, or lick ever inch of it. He looked him from top to bottom pausing at the boys huge, hardened cock. He didn’t expect it to be that big on such a little frame. Just looking at it made his mouth water and he himself hardened and begged to be released from his jeans, so he too removed his jeans and wife beater and attacked the boy with wild unchoreographed kisses as their erections rubbed against each other sending wild jolts of electricity throughout their bodies.

Brian lowered the boy gently to the floor and begin to kiss down his stomach until he was face to face with his fine blond pubes. He couldn’t help himself he leaned in and gave them a little whiff. He couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face when he smelt the sweet strawberry masculine smell, that was Justin. He took two of his fingers and slowly eased them inside Justin and was turned on when he heard the loud gasp that escaped his lips and the suction of his body trying to claim his fingers.

"Wait!" Justin shrieked rising to his feet.

"There’s something you should know I’m a top."

Brian couldn’t help himself he had to laugh the kid was so adorable as he stood there stark naked hard as a rock claiming to be a top. He knew he had this kid. He wasn’t going anywhere.

"Oh don’t worry, soon you’ll be on TOP of my dick." Brian said through a smile.

"I’m serious, I don’t bottom for anyone, not even you." Justin said, as he was going to stand his ground. Justin attempted to gather his clothes as he walked toward Brian’s door. He slide the door open and he didn’t even care that he was still naked.

Brian couldn’t explain the feeling that he felt when he looked into those eyes. He didn’t attempt to put on his clothes as he walked toward Justin very slowly. When he got face to face with Justin he took Justin’s hand and placed in on his cock. Justin begin to slowly jack him, watching how Brian’s face changed each time he slide his cock out of his hand.

Without loosing his rhythm and trying his best not to let on what feeling Justin’s hand around his cock was doing to him, Brian gritted through his teeth. "No one is going to make you do anything you don’t want to do, but I’m a top. So you have to decide, if you’re coming, or going, or coming then going, or coming and staying."

Justin watched Brian’s eyes as he made his statement. The silence between them made his ears hurt, but Brian never lost his rhythm sliding his cock in and out of his fist and one last thrust, and Justin wasn’t surprised when Brian shot his load. He looked down at his fist and back at Brian and said. "I’m staying and there will be a whole lot of coming." he said as he slide the door to the loft shut.


	3. Meet the Parent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin Meets Joan

Chapter 3

The morning sun coming in through the window in Brian’s bedroom was blinding. He needed coffee, maybe two cups. No, scratch that he needed a pot because whatever Anita gave him last, she had to have cooked up in Tijuana. He turned to look at the alarm clock and was shocked when two blue eyes were staring back at him.

"Good morning Sunshine." Brian whispered.

"Good morning Brian." Justin simply replied.

"What time is it? I have to get to work by eleven." asked Justin.

"It’s almost ten, I could drop you off if you’d like there’s somewhere I have to be."

Justin thought about telling Brian what he did for a living but nope that was not important. He wanted to get to know Brian and let him fall for him, then when he told him what he did for a living it wouldn’t bother him. Who was he kidding? Brian would be pissed that he lied and then they’d break up. He had to help that kid. Speaking of him, where the hell was he? Matter of fact where were either one of them?

Brian had disappeared up the stairs and Justin couldn’t help himself, he did what anyone would do, he plundered. All he really knew was that he was "Him" and that the kid at the store was his son. He couldn’t even remember what the kid said his name was and all he had gotten from Brian was a Brian. So he quickly went for the mail on the island in the kitchen, and flipped through it. When he saw the name, he thought he would go nuts. Brian Kinney! Brian fucking Kinney! Just like that, images flashed before his eyes of the two women and the old man. The accident, the lights, doing everything that he could and then he remembered sneaking in to view their bodies. Damn he fucked him, and he was the one who stole his family. God, Jesus really did hate him didn’t he?

Joan sat comfortably in Debbie’s kitchen. For the longest time she hated this woman. When Brian would get hurt or worse he’d run to her and she would take him in and be a mother to him. Why couldn’t she do that? Why was she so closed off to her emotions? She didn’t know but she did know that was a trait that her son picked up from her, everything else he gotten from Jack and because of that, it is why she feared for the children.

"You really can’t be serious can you Joan?" Deb shouted.

"What? I’m doing the right thing, did you see his last "Boyfriend"?

"What Eric was a very nice young man and he was talented at what he did."

"Deb he was a tattoo artist and he was 24. Brian is a father now that is not the kind of person that he needs to have around his children. He can’t just go around acting that way. He has made a name for himself around here. Everyone knows who Brian Kinney is and most of the time I’m more than proud to say that he is my son, he came from me but the further I move down the street, the words of him get more tainted and I feel dirty."

"Before you do something like this Joan, before you get ready to fight him in court, think about what he might be feeling right now, not only did he lose his sister he lost Lindsay and Jack. He had finally forgiven his father for the hardships that he caused him as a child and I saw them together the past couple of months they were really becoming father and son."

"Exactly. When Brian and Jack were together and he was sober, they were practically the same person and that is what scares me the most Deb. What is going to happen when Gus does something that Brian doesn’t approve of? Am I suppose to stand back and watch Gus get hurt? I love that boy so much I can’t let that happen."

"Oh really, seems like it would be so easy for you, I mean didn’t you do that all of Brian’s life."

Debbie knew that maybe, just maybe she was being a bit harsh but it just got to her, that Joan didn’t see what she was doing at a bad thing. She thought that Brian was destined to be like his father and she wanted Brian to be more like Michael but truth be told, Deb wanted Michael to be more like Brian. Confident, successful, and strong. Not that she didn’t love her boy, it was just he could be whinny.

Justin couldn’t keep the smile off his face, Brian was such a caring person. He had taken his shower and had given Justin a robe and toiletries and told him to take his time and he’d give him a ride. Justin still thought it was odd, that in this fine home with all this space, was no sign of actual children. Maybe the kid hadn’t pointed at Brian and he’d just thought he had, but that wouldn't explain the what he had done to Brian’s family. He took a long shower and tried to forget, soaking up the atmosphere, because he knew now that this would be the last time he’d be here. Justin quickly dried himself and went to the mirror. He wiped the steam from it, thinking, since he had practically looked through everything in the house, he might as well check out the medicine cabinet.

Justin was thrilled that so far all he found was six bottles and none of the first three had anything to do with sexual stimulants, so at least at Brian’s age he could still get it up all on his own. Although Brian did have a lot of things for anti aging but that was something that he didn’t need. Brian was gorgeous. He picked up one of the last three bottles and read what was on the label, he thought about his night with Brian. Nothing he did, pointed to the fact that he would need this, and then Justin picked up the next bottle and he thought he’d die.

"Lose something?" Brian said obviously scaring Justin.

Justin turned around to see Brian standing there in a suit looking edible with a smirk on his face. He frantically try to control himself, he couldn’t let on to Brian what he had found, that was none of his business and it wasn’t like it was Aids medication, it was just something he’d never expected.

"I just have a bitch of a headache and I was seeing if you had any aspirin." Justin lied.

"No only got baby aspirin, but help yourself to some Tylenol."

"One Tylenol and I’ll fall dead right here, I’m allergic."

"No one’s allergic to Tylenol, that’s what they give people who are allergic to everything else."

"Well I am." Blushed Justin hoping Brian didn’t realize what he had done.

Brian walked over to Justin, he didn’t know why, he just had to touch him even though he was all wet and he didn’t want to mess up his suit. He walked over and ran his hand through Justin’s hair and leaned in for a kiss. He just had to taste him once more and fast.

"Hurry up and get ready, I’ll drop you off."

Brian was about to say something else, when he heard the buzzer sound and his mother announcing her arrival.

"Stay here, I’ll get rid of her."

Joan entered Brian’s apartment and couldn’t help but smile, the renovations that he had told her about were very good. He had bought the loft above his and now it was a two floor apartment. Maybe he could do this. Maybe he could make the transition into adulthood.

"Dad we’re back!" screamed Gus.

Brian could all ready tell that his mother was pissed, when he walked into view and she frowned because he was wearing a suit. He could spend time with his children and still wear a suit. Besides, they like going to Kinnetik, and his employees loved his family. He had to get her out of here before "Sunshine" came out. Oh, and he had to find out what "Sunshine’s" actual name was.

"Brian, I thought you were going to spend today with the kids?" asked Joan

"I am mom, we have a fun day planned. We’re going to go and find a Santa, and take some pictures, and then it’s off to find a tree."

"A tree, you’re going to put a tree here in your loft with lights and such?"

"No mother, I’m going to put it outside. Where the fuck do you think it’s going to be? It’s Christmas and we’ve got to get some normalcy around here."

"Gus had a bad dream last night Brian, and you need to talk to him about it."

Brian looked around to see if Gus was there, but he saw that he had gone upstairs. He took Liddie from his mother’s arms before they continued there conversation.

"What kind of dream?" asked Brian

"He said that he was in a house and you were gone. He didn’t have any mommies and you were gone as well, he was all alone."

"Well if that were to come true mother, we all know that it would be your fault."

Gus knew that his grandmother and father were about to get into it, so he decided to run upstairs to his father’s room and eat some of his hidden candy. His father pretended like he cared about looking good, but under his bed he kept a chest of candies and cookies that he’d eat, when no one was looking. Gus was shocked when he came face to face with the elf from the store.

"Sunshine?" Gus questioned.

"Hey, how are you this morning?"

"What the fuck are you doing here? In my dad’s room?" Gus asked arching an eyebrow just like Brian.

"I was here talking to your dad, you know, trying to get information for Santa, so he could help you with your little problem."

"Right, and I guess afterwards you’re going to go and meet the Easter Bunny for some tea." Gus spat sarcastically.

Justin couldn’t help but smile when this kid opened his mouth, he was adorable and just like Brian. God leaving them would be so hard. Justin was torn from his thoughts by the shouting from downstairs.

Brian paced back and forth with Liddie while he shouted at his mother.

"Damn it mother! I am not a child, as you can see I’m holding my child and I can take care of them! Why are you doing this to me?!"

"Brian, you are just not getting what I’m trying to do. I just want to keep them. You can see them anytime you want. I’m helping you, and then when you are well and in a good place, and are ready to take care of them you can have them back."

"You listen here Joan and you listen good, I had to put up with this shit with Melanie and Lindsay, but they are gone now and these kids are mine! I’m going to fight you on this. But right now we’re going to paste on happy little faces, because it’s Christmas and we’re going to have a perfect holiday. But when it’s over, it's over you get me Joan."

Joan was about to say something but she saw the twitching of that little vein in Brian’s forehead. It reminded her a lot of Jack’s. She would have to mark that down for future reference. She calmed down and was about to leave, when she saw Gus coming down the stairs with a blonde.

"What’s going on here? You could hear the two of you all the way upstairs?"

"Sunshine, this is my mother, she was just leaving. Get your stuff we’re about to go."

"Brian Kinney, I know you don’t have one of your "Dates" here, when you’re children were coming over?"

The way she said date was not lost on Brian and he wasn’t going to let her get away with this..

"You will not speak to Sunshine that way, you got it mother!"

Joan looked from Brian to Justin and she couldn’t help the smile that was trying to form on her face. Had he done it, had her baby grown up and gotten himself a man?

"Who is this Brian?"

"He’s no one, we’re just leaving, come on mother I’ll walk you out."

Joan was not about to let Brian leave the house with her grandchildren, with his latest conquest in the car with her children. She was going to have to say something and quick.

"Brian I am not going to---

"Mrs. Kinney I’m so happy that you and I are finally getting to meet each other. I’ve been waiting for this a long time. I see where your daughter Melanie, got her looks from."

Joan couldn’t stop the blush that crept up her cheeks, she always thought that Melanie and Brian looked like there father, but for this guy to say this, well it was nice to get a compliment and from someone so young.

"Why thank you, Sunshine is it?" asked Joan How long have you know my Brian?"

"I’ve known Brian, for about six months now and I’ve been dying to meet you and the rest of his family. But you know Brian, he likes to keep things a secret, and it’s Justin only Brian gets to call me Sunshine."

"Oh, oh my, so you and Brian are a couple?"

"Mother I don’t think it’s any of your fu---"

"Yes! Brian and I are together." said Justin cutting Brian off.

"Oh, well I think I’ll join you all for breakfast and get to know you better."

"Mom, Justin just got in and I don’t think I need to spend my morning off with my---"

"We’d love to have you join us, isn’t that right Gus?" Asked Justin looking at Gus hoping he’d get the hint.

"Oh yea, come on daddy lets have breakfast with grandma and Sunshine."

"Anything for you Gus," Brian replied unlocking his car door and placing Liddie in her car seat.

"Awe Sunshine, a word over here before we leave dear."

"Shit." Justin thought as he walked toward Brian.


	4. Breakfast With the Warden

To say the ride to where ever we were going was awkward, would be an understatement. I knew that we were on Liberty Avenue, a place that I being a gay man rarely went. I mean I love my people and am out and proud but I’ve always been the kind of guy that doesn’t like to draw attention to themselves. Scratch that, I wasn’t that kind of guy until I took the bat to the head. Doing something like that can change your perspective, you know.

"Don’t Panic!" "You can do this." That’s what Brian Kinney kept telling himself as he walked with his mother and his two kids towards The Diner. He hoped no one was inside that knew him and his thoughts were not lost on the looks of the guys who saw him walking with his "family". He didn’t care if they had that look, if they saw him with Gus who was babbling with Justin about something and Liddie who he held securely on his shoulder, but to think that Justin was apart of the unit well that was another story. Okay maybe it wasn’t maybe he really didn’t care what anyone thought. Now he just hoped that no one was inside that he knew.

He walked inside and there sat "the gang" in a back booth and look there's the woman who considered herself his other mother. Oh yea, this was going to be fun.

"Who the hell is that?" asked a confused Michael as Brian walked into the diner, ignored them and sat across from them with his mother and some blonde.

"I don’t know but he definitely is a cutie and I was with Brian all day yesterday and he didn’t mention anyone" said a very nosy Emmett Honeycutt.

"Well, they're obviously out as a family, so what we’re going to do is sit here and mind our own business, if Brian wants us involved he’ll invite us over," said Michael’s husband Ben trying to be the voice of reason.

"Oh please." Shrieked Emmett and Michael in Unison.

"Look at him Ben, what do you think they are saying?"

"As I said Michael, it's really none of our business."

"So Justin you just got back into town, where were you?"

"Mother I don’t think that is any of your business, why did you decide to join us this morning anyway?"

Justin hated that Brian was getting upset. He didn’t need to get upset, if he had learned anything this fine morning about Brian he learned that Brian was the type of person that didn’t need to be upset.

"It’s okay Brian, I mean your mother came over this morning and found me with your son and I guess she have the right to want to know some things. But yea, I was in New York putting on a show."

Joan tried to keep the look off her face. He was a performer, God she thought that Brian had grown up, but look at this boy. Now that she really looked at him, all she saw was a boy and now he was a performer, he is probably in one of those boy bands or god forbid a magician. She had to get out of here and she had to get this sea urchin away from her grandkids.

Justin could see the wheels turning in one Joan Kinney’s head. She was all smiles but now she is wondering, what is he? Well, he’s lots of things. Murderer of late, but yea, the wheels in her head were turning and it was time that he put a look of shock, on her face. Yea, this was going to be good.

"Yes, Mrs. Kinney I’m an artist, I just had a little show at an art gallery in New York."

"Oh, a little show, to sell your little pictures, so what did that give you like a few thousand or so, I would love to see your work."

"Well, I’m putting together a show here at the Sydney Bloom Gallery, I did one a few months back and my highest piece sold for about thirty thousand."

Brian was eating his breakfast and he thought he’d choke when he said his highest piece sold for thirty thousand. He fucking knew it did, it was now sitting in the lobby of Kinnetik offices. That meant that the cute blonde sitting before him was Justin Taylor. Fucking Justin Taylor, the mollusk’s brother.

"Well fuck me." Brian didn’t realize that he had said it out loud.

"What is it Brian?" asked a concerned Joan.

"I brought that it’s now hanging up in Kinnetik."

Joan was disgusted, apparently this young man couldn’t sell anything and he needed Brian to buy his drawings for him. What had Brian gotten himself into. He definitely wasn’t growing up, but to look at the two of them, you could so tell that Brian was now one Smitten Kitten.

"Oh no Brian, that one was special for you. Molly told me about that one, it only was sold for about fifteen hundred and thanks for that by the way, but the painting I was speaking of went to a man in Maine. He paid thirty thousand for this one and remember I told you last month he bought one for sixty."

"You sold a painting for sixty thousand dollars!" shouted Joan.

"Say it a little louder mother I don’t think they heard you at the back table." Spat Brian.

"I’m sorry, I just, wow, you are something else Justin Taylor. Listen I’m intruding, I’m going to let the two of you get back to spending your family time. I need to go to the church and see a couple of my friends anyways"

"Are you Mrs. Kinney, we wouldn’t mind if you spent the day with us, isn’t that right Brian."

"No, not at all."

"No I’m going to let you boys get to it. I’ll call you tonight Brian. Come here Gus give Grandma a kiss."

Justin knew that he has done the right thing, now Joan thinks that Brian has a good relationship going, and maybe just maybe, she’ll leave him be, at least for the holidays, so Brian and his family can have a good time. He watches Brian, as Brian watches Gus tell his grandmother goodbye, and he can see the love that he has for the little boy written all over his face, he can even see the love that he has for Joan. It really did hurt, that he wasn’t going to be able to help him. I mean, this was all that Gus wanted for Christmas, but he couldn’t be the one to do it, he just couldn’t. Brian would never forgive him, once what he did to his family came out. Yes, now was the time to leave. He grabbed his bag and walked out of the back of the diner.

Brian was glad that his mother was finally gone. He wanted to talk to Justin, now that he finally knew who he was exactly. Molly had always told him, that he and Justin would be perfect for each other, well now it looked like he was going to get his chance. He turned back to the table and was surprised to find Justin’s seat empty.

"Gus did you see where Sunshine went?"

"No daddy, I was saying goodbye to Grandma."

"Grab your coat, let's see if we can find him."


	5. The Real Brian Kinney

Chapter 5: The Real Brian Kinney

Cynthia stood at Brian’s desk just watching him. That’s what Cynthia’s job was in times like this. She was suppose to watch and be there if he needed her but she wasn’t suppose to act. It was easier now to do such things, now that Brian owned the company that he worked at. Now in the days of Vanguard and even Ryder things were different. People would panic, people that wouldn’t understand thought Brian was a freak. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, Brian would disappear from work for awhile so it would die down and the looks of sympathy would stop.

So yea, her job was to watch. She was his advocate, the person that he could trust. She would stand there and if it lasted longer than five minutes then that was when it was time to panic. She looked at her watch and it had been three minutes. Two more and then it would be time to panic.

Brian could feel the fog being lifted. He hated his life. He looked around and there she was, standing there watching him. It hadn’t happened in so long. It was the fault of that Justin fucking Taylor! Disappearing like that and then forcing him to drag two kids around all day looking for him. Even though Gus insisted he knew where he was, but how could he know where he was exactly.

"Brian, are you okay?" asked an obviously concerned Cynthia.

Brian was about to say something evil but one look at her and her genuine concern, changed his mind.

"I’m fine, how long was it?" Brian asked.

"Not that long, I was standing here about three minutes, no one saw and it’s not like you were….. Cynthia trailed off when she realized what she was about to say. How could she be so insensitive. She caught herself before she said something to make this moment more awkward than it ever is.

Brian was half listening, as he took a check of himself. He knew his name, he knew how he got there, he knew where he was, he knew all the essentials and there was no need to panic. He looked at the clock and he knew that it had only been eight minutes. So it was good now he would just get Liddie and….

"You’re fine, she and Gus went down to bake cookies in the daycare, no one saw anything not even them." responded Cynthia reading Brian’s mind.

"Good now where do we stand on Olivia Chambers shouldn’t she be here by now?"

Brian changing the subject was not lost on Cynthia but she decided that she would let it go for now.

"Her assistant Walter called and said that she is no longer interested in our services."

"Why the fuck not?" asked an agitated Brian.

"Hey you calm down, you saw what just happened. But apparently her assistant told her about the Brian Kinney of the world and she found out that you were not the man she wanted associated with her fine family establishment."

"Oh I see Walter Cortes, he puts the Ass in Assistant, doesn’t she know I’m all about family?"

Cynthia tried not to laugh at that statement from Brian. In all reality Brian wasn’t really about family. What he did for his sister was amazing and he did love Lindz, I mean after all she was his girlfriend first. When she thought about there little threesome she didn’t know if she could’ve done the things that Brian could have done. Not considering his condition he was surprised anyone would want a kid that might be like him.

"No boss, I don’t think she got that memo."

"Okay I got to fucking get down to the complex and do that fucking assembly, this wasn’t part of the plan. God I’ll have to call Lindz and tell her to come and pick up the----.

Cynthia was hoping that Brian wouldn’t catch on to what he had said, but he did and she saw the twitch of his lips and she was thankful he was going to crack. She and his mother had been waiting on this since Thanksgiving,, things would be better after this. But Brian put his mask back up and shuffled the papers on his desk.

"Okay Cyn find out where that bitch is, I need her account and I’m going to get it."

"Already did, she’s in Perrington Park, it’s family day she’s there with her one year old daughter."

"Perfect get Liddie ready and Gus, it’s time they helped daddy with a little project. Then I’ll take them out and we’ll get a tree."

"I’m on it boss, and Brian it’s going to be okay you know that right. You are a great father, and no one can take that from you."

"Maybe they’d be better off without me. Could we keep what happened today between us?"

"Sure thing boss, I’ll go down and get the kids.

Augustus Kinney kept looking over his shoulder and he knew that people were wondering just what he was doing. He was standing in a line that looked like it was never going to end to talk to "Sunshine Santa’s Special Friend". He wanted to know what was Justin’s problem and why the hell did he run away. Gus had escaped from daycare without his father knowing. Gus knew that if he was not fast enough at doing this, that they would find him and his father would be so pissed, he couldn’t have that. He looked in front of him, there were still three kids ahead of him in line.

"Fuck!" he said a little to loudly.

"Language" said a chubby old lady that stood across from him clutching the hand of her grandchild.

"I didn’t say it to you and I don’t think I know you, so why don’t you keep your opinion of me to your fucking self."

"Why I never?" said the lady getting upset.

"And you never will." spat back Gus.

He knew that he was being mean. He also knew that his mothers were looking down on him with a frown upon their faces, but he had to see Justin and get back to daycare before it was to late. Justin said he was going to help him and he can’t just get his daddy going like that, and then leave. Oh no, his moms were gone now and they looked out for his father’s feelings. That was his job now, it was time he gave Justin a piece of his mind.

 

"Shit!" screeched Justin walking to the back for his break.

"What is it? Another kid piss on you?" ask his gal pal Daphne.

"No, but I’ve got trouble with a capital T!!!!

Daphne drew back the curtain to see what could have his friend this upset and she saw him. Standing impatiently in line, one Augustus Kinney and boy did he look pissed.

"Oh it’s so cute Justin, you’ve picked up a stalker." joked Daphne.

"It’s not funny Daph, and where the hell is his father, you shouldn’t be able to run around town all willy nilly"

"Have you seen that kid Justin, he’s huge. How the heck did he get that tall? He could pass for fifteen and you say he’s ten?"

"Yea ten, going on forty, he caught me in Brian’s room this morning and he had this look on his face."

"What kind of look?"

"The oh, you just fucked my daddy look! He was happy I had. He was fucking happy."

"Well good, I’ve seen Brian Kinney and he’s hot. I even saw the man cry and I’ve never thought that seeing a guy shed a tear could be sexy, but when the first tear rolled down his cheek, I wanted to run and like hug him, bare his children, anything to make him feel better."

"I’m the reason for those tears, and that’s why we can never be together again, I can never let him fuck me again!"

"I must have lost my hearing or something did you Justin Taylor, just say that you let Brian Kinney fuck you?"

"Yea, and Daphne it was great. I’m so glad I waited. When I close my eyes I can still feel him there inside of me and you know what, I want to feel him forever."

"My god, it’s happened I’m staring in the eyes of one smitten kitten you totally love him."

"Yea I do, it would be so easy for me to be the daddy that Gus wants. Liddie his daughter is so adorable and Brian is so sensitive yet dark, butch yet sweet, I could swim in him forever."

"Damn I’m sold, where can I buy him."

"Daphne this is no laughing matter I can’t be with him and I can’t go back out there to that kid."

"You can and you will now buck up and put on your hat "Sunshine" and go ask the little kiddies what they want for Christmas. You like this guy stop fighting it. It’s Christmas, didn’t you always say you wanted to have the "Perfect Christmas" with a man you knew you loved and would be with forever?"

"Yea."

"Then go for it don’t let anything stand in your way."

"What about the fact that I still can’t wash the blood of his folks off my hands. Brian was Melanie’s twin you know, every time I look at him I see her. I hear what she whispered to me."

Daphne’s heart went out to Justin. Some might think that she was being harsh but this is what he needed. He needed Gus and Brian and he needed to get the closure for what happened to Melanie and her wife. He needed to realize that it wasn’t his fault and he had absolutely nothing to be guilty for.

"Breaks over and the kids are waiting, get your ass out there!"

Justin knew that it was inevitable. "Fine I’m going."

Cynthia walked slowly into Brian’s office with Liddie on her shoulder. Liddie looked very much like her mother. Cynthia had to catch herself in calling her by her given name because she hated Liddie but Brian seemed to go off anytime anyone said Lindsay’s name and lets not miss and say Melanie, because you might get a shoe thrown at ya. Okay I can do this, the idea is to not let him panic.

Brian looked up from his desk and cutting, keeping the smile off his face. Cynthia walked in holding Liddie. It was a scene that was sort of hard to look at because whenever he brought Liddie to the office, lately she was drawn to Cynthia. He knew why though, it was the blond in her. Blond just as she was, Cynthia reminded Liddie of Lindsay for all he knew maybe Liddie thought she was Lindsay.

"There’s my bumblebee." said Brian taking Liddie from Cynthia.

He didn’t know why but every time he saw her he had to smell her hair first. It smelled like strawberries. Just like Lindsay.

"Where’s Gus? I’ve decided to go to the park."

"Yea, Brian I need to tell you something and you have to stay calm."

"What?"

Brian didn’t like the sound of that, why did she have that look on her face. This couldn’t be good. What was she trying to keep from him? He fucking couldn’t take it, he was going to shoot someone before five.

"Spit it out I’m not a child!"

"I went down and got Liddie for you but that’s when we noticed that Gus wasn’t there."

"Oh well I didn’t expect him to stay, he likes to go down to accounting and see Ted."

"No Brian he’s gone, he’s nowhere in the building."

"Fuck!"

 

Okay the first ten minutes that Gus had stood here, he had decided that he was going to be nice, civil in fact. Now having to stand there for almost half an hour, and knowing that when he made it back to Liberty Ave., he was going to get punished, niceness and playtime were over. When "Mrs. Claus" gestured for him to come up he leaped on Justin’s lap hard.

"So little boy tell me what you want for Christmas?" asked Justin.

"This game is over you hear, we take you out to breakfast and my dad looks around and you’re gone. What the hell kind of game are you playing?"

Justin couldn’t help but laugh at the language of this boy, he had spent an evening with his father and he definitely was Brian’s son but he definitely shouldn’t have the mouth of Brian. At least not right now.

"I had to go I was late for work."

"Bull, dad said that he would take you and you were fine with it. Something that grandmother said rattled you, that’s her thing she likes to run people off. The only people she hasn’t ever shaken was my mom, and my Uncle Mikey and I surely thought you were stronger than him."

"Look I’m sorry okay, maybe I can tell Santa and he can send someone else, I’m not cut out for this."

"You listen, I came to you and played with this fantasy and told you what I really wanted for Christmas. You could have laughed or kept this to yourself but you went out and found my dad and he took you home. I know you guys did what you do, but you need to know that you just can’t play with my dad like that, he’s sick."

"Your dad’s sick, what do you know about that?"

"I know it’s called LGS and he hates it. He takes medicine and he has to keep calm and can’t get to happy, or sad, or too anything and it sucks. But none of that matters, you have to come and undo what you did ,he likes you."

"Gus I’m sorry I can’t…wait he likes me?"

"Yea, he freaking invited you out to breakfast with us, if you were like the others, I’d have only seen you in passing and that would be it. But he let you hold Liddie and everything, so you have to come back with me because he’s going to freak."

"Why would your dad be freaking out?"

"He sort of thinks that I’m in daycare at the office."

"You’re a piece of work aren’t you!"

 

Craig Taylor couldn’t keep the look off his face, as he sat across from his wife in there favorite restaurant for lunch.

"What’s got you so happy?" asked his wife Jennifer.

"When I was getting ready to leave here, I overheard Daphne and Justin talking and you won’t believe what I heard."

"Well don’t leave me in suspense, is he going back to work? What?"

"He has a new boyfriend, I think they’re in love."

"Oh." replied Jen.

"Oh, I give you this juicy tidbit and all you have to say is oh?"

"Well I mean I love our son and you know that I have no problems with him being gay, but lets look at his track record shall we. We have Chris Hobbs, who he sat at school with everyday, who seemed to love him but in the end what does he do, bash him in the head with a baseball bat. Then there was Cody. Cody was young and cute and he appeared to be harmless, next thing we know Justin is shaving off all his gorgeous hair and walking around in a Pink shirt Straight Bashing folks. That my friend is crazy. Don’t even get me started on Ethan Gold. How could someone so well educated, and well mannered, could be dressed to the nine and still looked wet. I mean the guy was greasy. Seems like every time he touched me I’d be wet, or every where he sat he left an oil spill. Do tell me sweet husband, what has our son decided to date this time around?"

"Brian Fucking Kinney!" he replied with a smirk.

"Oh well maybe just maybe things are looking up replied Jennifer.

 

Justin and Gus walked into Kinnetik hand and hand. You could just tell that something was up by the way the people were looking at them as they walked down the corridors. Some were relieved when they saw that Gus was in fact alive but others were just shaking there heads as if they were ducking for cover. They rounded that last corner and you could here Brian before you could see him.

"I think he’s mad." replied Gus.

"You think." replied Justin.

They entered the office very slowly.

"Oh hey dad look who I found?"

Before Brian could think straight he was right on Gus, right in his face.

"Do you fucking realize what I’ve been going through for the last hour. I didn’t fucking know where you were. This is Liberty Ave. and you don’t look ten and then some folks might like the fact that you are ten or that you’re my son. I should just…..

"Daddy no!" Gus screamed stopping Brian from speaking.

Brian didn’t realize it but his hand was in the air as if he was going to strike Gus. He couldn’t believe it. He knew for a fact that he would never, he would never hurt Gus. He wouldn’t be the man that his mother told him he would become. He wouldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t become that man.

"Gus I’m so sorry." Brian whispered releasing Gus.

"Dad it’s fine I know that you….

"Go." whispered Brian cutting off Gus.

"No I know that I shouldn’t have left and it was wrong of me,but dad I’m sorry, you don’t have to worry ,I know that you would….

"Go now! Cynthia take him upstairs now!"

"Brian are you alright? Asked Cynthia before she left.

"I’m fine, take him to get Liddie I’m taking them to my mother’s."

"Dad no."

"Do as I ask Gus, please.

Justin watched as a fearful Brian watched Cynthia leave with a worried looking Gus. He got it now. He watched Brian sit at his desk and drop his hand on it. He doubted if Brian even realized, he was there. He understood now, that was Brian’s fear. Someone had done a real number on him, and they had used his disease as the gas to light the flame. Bastards, well that ended today.

"Brian?" Justin questioned.

Brian lifted his head to see Justin. A face he had wanted to see since this morning but now that he saw it he wished he hadn’t. He knew that look. It was the look of pity, he knew Justin knew, he had seen him looking in his medicine cabinet. He knew what he had, that’s why he wouldn’t get his hopes up for Justin. That just maybe, after everything that happened, he would get this gift. Justin. Yea right. That’s why he didn’t do love. Love was for lesbians and they were dead and gone.

"Why the fuck are you still here?" Brian asked roughly, hoping to run Justin off.

"Are you alright Brian?"

"I’m fine, there’s no need to be afraid. I’m just calming down, I’m fine, I’m not going to hurt my son."

"Oh Brian, I know that. I know more about you than you know, no need to calm yourself, it doesn’t work like that."

"What doesn’t work like that? What the fuck are you talking about?"

"I’ll admit it, after I spent that night, of what can only be described as true bliss with you last night and you were so kind this morning, I did what any guy would do, I rummaged through your medicine cabinet."

"I know, so now you know my deepest. I mean, it was written right on the bottle what it was for, but I don’t have that. I’ve got something far worse."

"LGS can be dangerous but you’re not contagious You are more of a danger to yourself than others, and you’re not him."

"I’m not who?"

"I recognized that look, you were scared you were going to hurt Gus, considering how close you and your mother are ,it couldn’t be her, so it had to be your father. He hurt you didn’t he?"

Brian didn’t know who this kid thought he was, coming in here and trying to make him feel. He didn’t feel, at least not with someone like him. He didn’t want his pity. He didn’t need anyone sticking around out of guilt or obligation, because of what he had told his mother. Brian was shocked when he looked up and saw a tear run down Justin’s cheek, and he was looking at him weirdly. What the fuck was that look? Is that how love looks?

"Yes." was the gurgled one word reply that Justin received from Brian.

He was beautiful. How could he do this? How could he run away from Brian, when he knew the man was going through so much and he was trying to do right by his kids, for the holidays. Justin could see the hurt in Brian's eyes. Brian needed someone to help him stay sane, that would be him. He would let go of what he did, for awhile and help Brian. That’s how he would make amends. He’d help Brian make the holidays for the children the best. He put his hand up against Brian’s cheek and on contact, one single tear escaped Brian’s eyes. Brian couldn’t help it, he took this beautiful man in his arms and he began to cry.

"Shh, it’s okay Brian. It’s okay, none of this matters, you can cry I won’t tell anyone."

Brian let himself go, Justin had a feeling Brian had been holding this in since that fatal night. The night that he had taken Brian’s family away from him. Oh yes, this was his job now. He would love Brian forever, because he could tell the man already loved him. This would be the first of many Christmases and he wouldn’t let anything or anyone, stand in his way of making Brian happy. Justin just hoped that when the man found out the truth about him, he didn’t hate him.


	6. Do You See What I See?

Chapter 6: Do you see what I See?

Gus Kinney ran into The Liberty Avenue Dinner pulling a very exhausted looking Brian behind him. Behind Brian, Justin walked in very slowly carrying Liddie who was asleep in her carrier. They sat down at the back booth and picked up the menu for their lunch. Debbie Novotny watched them from the moment they walked in and she couldn’t stop the smile that came to her face. Brian had been so sad because of Melanie and Lindsay and she feared for him, she didn’t want this to have a toll on his health he didn’t need this, not with Joan looking for anyway to get her hands on the kids to make amends for what she’d done. She liked what she saw though. It was Brian and his family, and he had that cute little blonde with him. Now this was her time to get answers, because Michael nor any of the other members of her "family" were around.

Hey boys, look like you had a busy day? What will it be?" asked Deb.

"Grandma, Justin and Uncle Brian and I had the best time today. We went and got a tree for daddy’s place. Later after we have lunch we are going to go home and put it up and then Justin said that we’ll make hot chocolate and roast chestnuts, and then he’s going to help me make my own stocking can you believe that?" said an overly excited Gus.

Debbie was loving every moment of it, she loved how still when Gus got so excited, he would refer to Brian as his uncle. The poor kid only knew that Brian was his father for the last five years and that was only because…….

"Deb, can we fucking order!" yelled Brian snapping her from her train of thought.

"Well aren’t we just a bucket of Sunshine today, what crawled up you and died?"

"The tree. I made the mistake of having Justin help me get a tree, he made it turn into a three hour trip. He’s there hugging trees and he and Gus are running around like children. People were giving me weird looks, and Liddie was screaming her ass off, we don’t have to worry about problems with her lungs she’s got two good ones.

"Have you picked up her dress yet? Asked Deb.

"Dress, what dress?"

"Her Christmas dress at Little Darlings just off of Tremont, Lindsay had picked it out just for her, for the pictures she set up."

"Deb after everything that has happened you don’t expect me to still do that do you?

"I certainly do, it’s a family photo and you and your kids should do it. It’ll be your Christmas card next year, Gus still wants to do it, don’t you?

"Well I do but, I just wish…..Gus trailed off.

"No what is it Sonnyboy? Questioned Brian.

"Well in the beginning I didn’t want to do the picture. But ever since that day in your office when we started hanging out with Justin, I thought that maybe I wanted to do the picture. But I only wanted to do it, if maybe Justin would agree to be in it with us."

Brian didn’t know what to say or do. A part of him wanted to ask Gus was he nuts. They had taken up the past week of Justin’s life and well he couldn’t impose on him to do something like that, even though part of him was thanking Gus because he could use him and get Justin to stay. Even though he was screaming for Justin to stay. He couldn’t explain it, he just couldn’t get enough of the man. In the past week since Justin had decided to help him out with the children and his mother, he really liked him but could he tell him that. No, he couldn’t and besides no one would want to stick around considering…..

"I’ll do it!" said Justin breaking Brian from his thoughts.

"What? No Justin, we couldn’t impose on you like that, you’ve done enough."

Justin smiled trying to hid the hurt that was in his heart, when Brian didn’t want him to be a part of his life anymore. He had done everything to help Brian out with his mother and he thought that maybe Brian was warming up to him. He desperately wanted the man to make love to him like he had the first night, or even better let him fuck him, but not a touch like that since the first night. Could he really not be interested? It hurt him to think that, but then again maybe it was for the best. I mean part of him wanted Brian to want him because he wanted him, but another part of him didn’t want him to want him. He scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed and he still couldn’t get their blood off his hands. He was torn from his thoughts by his phone ringing. He went outside and took the call.

"Hello?" said Justin.

"I’m glad that I got you, listen Derrick fell and broke his ankle, we’re going to need you to come in tonight," said Daphne.

"I’m not coming in tonight, I’m with Brian and his family, they invited me over tonight and I’m going to get to meet everyone."

"Justin, if you’re so afraid of him finding out, why do you keep putting yourself further and further into his life? How do you think he’s going to feel when all of this comes out? He’s going to feel betrayed. I know you are doing this for the boy, but how do you think this will make a happy holiday for him? It’ll make it the worst Christmas ever. Get down here now!"

"I’m not coming!" Justin shouted as he hung up on his best friend.

When Justin returned to the table, Brian was paying and getting Liddie.

"Where are you going Bri?"

"I’ve decided that Liddie and I are going to go and get this dress and you and Gus are going to buy my present since he wants to do that without me knowing about it. Then you and I are going to go over to Deb’s tonight, ain’t that right Deb?"

"You better believe it mister, Brian has been hiding you long enough."

"Okay, well lets go Gus, we’ll see you later."

Olivia Chambers stood in Little Darlings looking for a dress for her little girl Hannah. Hannah was one now and this was her first Christmas and she wanted to get something very nice for her to wear but something she saw out of the corner of her eye was disturbing. One Brian Kinney was standing across from her. He was talking to himself, laughing to himself really. It bothered her, why was he there? He had some nerve following her in such an intimate moment with her daughter. Something had to be done, she had to make it, so he knew that she didn’t appreciate being stalked.

Brian knew he must look nuts. He was talking to himself picking out shoes. Well he wasn’t really talking to himself, Liddie sat at his feet on the floor playing with the last pair he had put on her, but from a certain focal point he guess he could look insane.

"Okay so we know we want black right?" Brian asked Liddie waiting as if he thought she’d answer.

"Black it is. I love black it’s our color Liddie. It goes perfect with your little dress."

Brian looked out of the corner of his eye and she saw one angry looking Olivia Chambers heading his way. What the fuck could she want, he wondered as he picked Liddie up from the floor and then he noticed her face soften.

Brian couldn’t help it, the little girl definitely had his heart. The moment he picked her up, she wrapped her little arms around his neck and put her head on his shoulder. She laughed to herself and he couldn’t keep the smile off his face when he heard her gurgle, something that definitely sounded like Da.

"Mr. Kinney, I must say that I’m surprised to see you here." said a suspicious Olivia Chambers.

"Well it’s Christmas time and Liddie and I have to get ready for our Christmas picture, don’t we Liddie? Give daddy a smile."

"Wow, I must say that I never pictured you for a family man, Brian where’s your wife?"

"Liddie here is my youngest, she’s almost seven months. She has an older brother Augustus he’s ten. As for the wife, she’s dead."

"Oh Mr. Kinney, I’m so sorry to hear that. I wasn’t aware of that, how long has it been?"

"Not very long, right after Thanksgiving."

Olivia didn’t know what to believe anymore. Her assistant had told her that Brian was very charming and that if he wanted anything he’d get it. That’s why she was so upset when she saw him. She thought that he had used people he knew to track her down at this store with her daughter. She also heard that he was a gay slut, from other circles. She didn’t have a problem with the man being gay but the slut part was what had her worried. She didn’t want to be associated with a man who lead a colorful life, but now here was a young man, with a child no doubt, and he mentioned a wife. What was going on here?

"Mr. Kinney, I don’t mean to intrude but I was told that you were gay, and that you were single."

"It’s Brian, don’t call me Mr. it makes me feel old. Yes I’m gay, it’s a funny story about Liddie, it’s a funny story about how I come to be her father. One for the record books actually."

Olivia thought that maybe she was wrong about him, there was just something so warm and caring about his face, and that daughter of his. She was gorgeous. She wanted to know the story and it looked like he was willing to share it, so she thought of a way of spending a few moments with this very intriguing man.

"Brian, I’d love to hear the story. Maybe we could go over there to the food court and grab a bite and you could tell me the story. I’m not trying to pry, but I’ve been given the wrong impression of you and well, now I sort of feel bad that I didn’t keep our appointment last week. Maybe you could tell me some of your ideas. Maybe I shouldn’t be asking that, I mean this is your family time with your daughter."

"No I could use something to eat, and Liddie as well. We can go and have a seat."

Justin had to admit, that spending the day with Gus was becoming more and more enjoyable. He had totally forgotten about Daphne calling him. He was not going back to that place, he was on vacation until after the holidays and maybe after he would quit. He didn’t need a real profession. Lindsay had told him how incredibly talented he was and she had helped him sell some things. He was successful at his art. He didn’t need his job. All he really needed, was standing next to him chatting away. Oh and Liddie and Brian. That’s all he needed was them.

He had learned a lot talking to Gus over the past hour, as they picked out Brian’s gift but the most heartfelt thing and yet sad thing was how Gus himself had come into existence. The story was that Brian and Lindsay were high school sweethearts, but they realized after a couple years, that they were both looking for something else and Brian left for college. When he came back, apparently the something else Lindsay was looking for, was his sister, Melanie. Turns out Brian and Melanie was twins. Finding that out, Justin thought back to the few times he had met Melanie and yea, she and Brian were one in the same.

Gus told Justin how his mother couldn’t have children and his momma Lindsay, had in fact, carried him. Gus told how they had picked Brian because he was a good man and at least this way, even though Melanie didn’t carry him, she wouldn’t just be his mother, she would be his aunt. That meant they were related not only by love but by blood, and that was important for them all to be joined by blood. So he was indeed part of Lindsay and Melanie and that made Justin think that Brian had a heart, far bigger than he thought. It was also very flattering that Lindsay and Melanie didn’t care about Brian’s condition and the fact that either one of the children could have been passed the gene, but neither one of them had been.

Justin was having a good time with Gus but he started to get scared when Justin told him the reason, he was finally told that his Uncle Brian was in fact, his father. Apparently, Brian had been diagnosed with Cancer, when Gus was five and things didn’t look good. So they told Gus, so that he could spend as much time with Brian as possible. Brian recovered, but that got Justin wondering if Brian was healthy? It had been five years, if there were no more flair ups, then he was in remission. Damn, now he really wanted to get to Brian, he needed to touch him. They’d be at Deb’s soon enough.

The dinner at Deb’s was going great. She really had a huge family now. There was Emmett and George, Teddy and Blake, her precious Michael and his partner Ben. They even had a new baby girl,named Imani now. She was beautiful and she adored her big brother Hunter, who was home for Christmas. They talked and it was hard because the absence of Lindsay and Melanie was stifling the mood, until Emmett brought up a subject.

"So have you guys met him yet? What did you think Mrs. Kinney, do you like Justin?"

Joan couldn’t stop the smile that was spreading across her face, she had big news and she couldn’t wait for Brian to get there so she could tell him. All the people here were her family, she knew that right now they were liking her allot and they were still welcoming to her, so she would tell them first.

"Oh Em I just adore Justin and he adores Gus and Lindsay so much, I can’t wait for he and Brian to get here, so I can tell them my news."

"What’s the news?" asked Emmett.

"I went to the court and stopped my motion. I certainly didn’t want to take the children from Brian but you know how he lives his life. I was afraid that he would never find someone to let into his heart, I’m to blame for him being closed off. I know this. I thought that Brian would never want to love anyone but when I went over to the house that morning, and saw Justin, there was no way you could miss it. He loves my boy so much."

Michael was observing everyone smiling, but there was something off about his partner, Ben. Ben's smile was more of a forced one and this concerned him.

"What is it Ben?" asked Michael.

"Its just every time Brian gets a good one, they find out about him and they leave him. They are as frightened off about the Epilepsy, as most people are scared off by my HIV status. I just hope that this one, is a keeper."

Brian sat in the car outside of Deb’s house looking at his mother’s car contemplating should he go in or not. He knew that his driver was ready to leave so now was the time to make the decision. Was he to go in or not.

"We’re going in Thomas. I won’t need the service anymore tonight Justin’s bringing the car and he will be with me."

"Are you sure Mr. Kinney, I still have a little time before I need to get home?"

"No, we’re good thanks Thomas."

Brian tipped the man and got out of the car with Liddie. Liddie had actually let Olivia hold her. She was blonde though and his little girl had a thing for blondes. He could do this, he could have dinner with his mother and not jump across the table and kill her couldn’t he? Yea he could, she loved him. He understood what she was doing, didn’t mean it still didn’t hurt but he understood why she was doing what she was doing. Okay Liddie lets go see Grandmas.

Everyone was enjoying the dinner that was everyone. except Joan, Brian, and Michael. Brian was waiting for the other shoe to drop when it came to his mother and Joan and Michael were concerned for Brian because he kept clearing his throat and it was as if he were uncomfortable in his seat. He was feeling antsy and getting agitated. Often there were no warning signs for seizures but some people experienced a few ticks before they exploded into something that at times could be mild and barely noticeable but at other times they could be hard and violent and horrible to watch. Joan didn’t want Brian to have one of his episodes before she talked more to Justin about it. She didn’t want him to be scared off.

Ben couldn’t help it, he knew that he had seen Justin somewhere but he couldn’t put his finger on it. That blonde hair, those blue eyes, he had seen that kid somewhere, but where was it. Ben was about to ask since the room had become so quiet, you could hear a pin drop, but Joan Kinney broke the silence first.

"How are you today Brian?" Joan asked testing the waters.

"Fine." was Brian’s one answer reply to his mother he didn’t feel like getting into it. His head was hurting all of a sudden.

"I went to the courthouse today and I dropped my motion. I think that you are doing a fine job with the children and I’m proud of you. I think you’ve found a good man in Justin," said Joan.

Justin couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Even if it all ended now at least he had done his part, he had made sure that Joan had given Gus his father back. He looked to the left and Gus was grinning from ear to ear.

"Mom, there’s something I need to tell you about Justin," replied Brian.

"No, now you don’t have to tell me anything, I see the two of you. You’ve been here an hour and although you haven’t kissed or held hands, you just can’t stop touching him or smiling at him and I know that if I weren’t here you, would openly touch him. But as I told your sister before we lost her, I have no problem with you being gay. Which I don’t, I was just concerned about the company that you chose to keep before Justin. Justin, the artist and caring man. You’ve found a good one Brian, you better not let him go."

Brian couldn’t express what he was feeling. He was happy. He was going to be able to keep his family. He turned to Justin to say something, but his vision clouded and before he could do or say anything, he felt himself slipping away, he knew it hurt when he hit the floor.

Joan pulled her grandson aside, and was about to grab Brian but was shocked by what happened next, she was the only one to be shocked though. Michael was frozen in his spot but he was about to grab Brian as well, but now everyone stood back in awe.

Justin had grabbed Brian before he hit the floor. He quickly turned him on his side. He had seen seizures like this many times and Brian was a fighter. Some people were aware of what was happening and would try and fight through the seizure, as if it was an assailant, but others would just let go and let the body take over. Brian was a fighter, Justin could see the frantic look in his eyes and how Brian would try to speak. Justin made sure Brian wasn’t biting his tongue and he whispered words of comfort to him. He needed Brian to let go. He told him to just let go and eventually he did. Brian's arms and legs were kicking frantically and he was making a weird yelping sound and then he wet himself. Justin knew Brian would be embarrassed by that, even though no one else in the room was. Emmett handed Justin a bag and told him it was clothes that Brian kept there, if needed in times like this. Justin watched the clock for the time , it had been five minutes and Brian still was going. Justin was going to have to call an ambulance, he knew it. Then everything would be blown but that wasn’t important. Brian was important. Justin didn’t exactly know when he began to cry, but he heard Debbie tell him that everything was going to be fine. Brian’s body began to relax. Justin looked at the clock and it had only been six minutes. Brian was looking at him. He was back. He was blinking to clear his mind and try to take in what had happened, but the look on everyone’s face told him and then he noticed he was wet. He had wet himself, in front of Justin. He would surely leave now.

"Brian, do you know where you are?" Justin asked in a soothing voice.

"I’m on the floor Sunshine, shit don’t, don’t look at me I need to get up."

Brian stood up to quickly and the blood rushed to his head, making him dizzy and he began to stumble. Before Michael could react, Justin was right there steadying Brian, which was different. Brian never had someone else be there for him. When he looked in Justin’s eyes, he didn’t see pity, he saw genuine concern and that look again. Okay, he was convinced, that had to be what love looked like.

Michael couldn’t help it. He was still frozen, looking at Justin, guide Brian upstairs to help him shower and get cleaned up. Michael jumped when he felt the familiar arms of his lover, wrap around him.

"It’s okay Michael, Brian is fine."

"I know, do you see what I see Ben?"

Ben looked up and saw Justin and Brian walking up the stairs. Justin was so patient, he understood that when a person comes out of having a seizure they can be scared, or confused and he was taking his time with Brian. But yes, even he saw it.

"Yea I see it."

"I can’t believe it, Brian Kinney is in love."

"Yea, and this time, the person actually loves him back."

Michael wrapped his arms around his lover and kissed him. He was happy that Brian had finally found someone, to love him in every way. He use to think that person would be him, and he knew for the longest time Brian hoped it would be him. Now he knew that Brian had moved on. God, it was good to feel this happy and know that Brian was happy as well. Maybe it would be a good holiday after all.


	7. Falling Fast

Chapter 7: Falling Fast

Justin quickly found the bathroom and begin to run the shower. He looked at Brian, he was leaning up against the door frame practically asleep. Justin was use to this, the seizures take a toll on the person experiencing them, it’s not uncommon for the person to become tired. He’d let Brian rest but he knew that he would want to get out of his soiled suit.

“Do you want me to help you shower?” Justin asked a drowsy Brian.

Brian was so tired, that all he could do was nod his head and pray to god, Justin came before he hit the floor.

Justin couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. Brian was so adorable. It was going to be very hard stripping down to nothing and bathing him, without fucking him or letting him fuck him, but he could do it. He had to take care of Brian and show him that he was there for him. That nothing mattered except him.

Brian hated this, he fucking hated it. Not only did he fall to the floor and commence to shaking like a chicken with it’s head cut off, he had pissed on himself. Now a man, that he’d been trying the last couple of days not to throw down and fuck, was in the shower with him, helping him wash all that remained of his little accident. How degrading. Brian just decided that he wasn’t going to say anything and just let Justin help him with his bath. After the bath, they walked to Michael’s old room and Justin help Brian to bed.

 

Molly walked into her family home and tried to run upstairs without her mother seeing her, but as soon as her foot hit the top step, her mother called her down. She could see the look of worry on her mother’s face, she immediately knew who she was worried about. She was worried about Justin. This conversation was going to be difficult.

“Molly I need to talk to you about Brian?”

“What about him mom, has he called?”

“No it’s just well we know that your brother is seeing him.”

“Yea they’ve been hanging out for a while, I saw them picking out a tree the other day. They looked so cute together, sort of like a little family. With Gus being dark haired and Liddie being a blonde they all just fit, you know.”

“Honey, Daphne called earlier, apparently they wanted Justin to come in tonight but he refused. She told me why Justin has been hanging out at the store more now and the real reason for his holiday vacation. Didn’t you think that maybe you or your brother, should have told us the whole story? Now he is over there at that house, probably in that man’s bed. Where is his heart, where is the Justin we raised!”

“Mom, its not like that, he didn’t really kill them and you know that. It’s just his logical way of feeling responsible for everything and it’s eating him up inside. I told him, if he would just tell Brian, that things would be fine, that he would understand. He won’t though, he thinks that Brian will hate him. Do you think he will mom?”

“We’re having a Christmas party next week. I’m going to invite Brian.”

“Oh mom he’ll love it, he really never gets to get away because of the kids. It’ll be great for them to have some alone time.”

“I like Brian and I’m inviting him over. But you will convince your brother, that he’s to tell Brian that night or I’ll tell him for him. Yes mom, well I better get upstairs I need to make a call.

 

The dinner was still going on at Deb’s, no one dared to go upstairs to see what was going on. Everyone was just overtaken by the care of Justin for Brian and no one knew what to say. They tried to continue eating, but everyone wanted to know what was going on upstairs. No one wanted to go up and see. Ben was the first to break the silence.

“Does anyone know what Justin does? I know him from somewhere, I just can’t place it.”

“Oh, when I had breakfast with them the other morning, Justin told me that he’s an artist. Apparently he’s very successful. Justin Taylor.

“Holy shit!” gasped Michael.

“That’s Justin Taylor, don’t you guys remember, right before the accident Lindsay said that she was going to be working with that guy. I heard that last year, he had a painting sell for fifty thousand, but do you know why he looks so familiar to all of us? I couldn’t put my finger on it and I don’t even think Brian recalls it.”

“Why?” asked Joan

“Remember Melanie and Lindsay’s wedding? Brian was so upset that they were actually doing it. Not because they were doing it but because you know that stuff was happening with Kip Thomas and he got really drunk and that kid crashed? Remember he was with the cute black girl and he and Brian were dancing and Melanie walked up and smacked him?”

“Oh my, he’s the kid that got bashed!” said Deb making a recollection.

“Yea, Brian is friends with his sister you guys know Molly. Wow it really is a small world,” said Ben.

Everyone went back to eating wondering what was going on upstairs.

Justin knew that it had to be early morning/late night. The room he was in was completely dark and for a minute he had no idea where he was, until he looked down and it all came back to him. Brian had had the seizure and he had taken care of him. He leaned in closer, to sniff Brian’s hair. He couldn’t help but smile, it smelt just like it did that night Brian had taken him home and fucked him. Justin had to think of different things, so Brian wouldn’t awaken to his hard cock, poking him in the butt. Damn poking in the butt, he really needed to clear his head.

Brian’s eyes snapped open and he knew exactly where he was. The hideous wallpaper was enough to take him back, he didn’t even have to look at the tack board that had photos of he and Mikey and their many transformations, as the years went by. He was in their bedroom, he had a seizure and Michael had brought him upstairs and taken care of him, like he always did. He would have to thank him for that. Brian rolled over and came face to face with his sleeping porcelain angel. Brian ran from the room and into the bathroom. All of the contents in his stomach, from that night came crashing back to him.

After praying to the porcelain god, Brian got up and looked at himself in the mirror. He had a bruise on the side of his face. He must’ve hit it on something when he was having his “fit”. He couldn’t believe that Justin had seen that. He remembered everything now, how he fell from his chair and jerked, pissed and shit on himself. Justin had then, walked him up the stairs and bathed him. God, he was disgusted. Brian went upstairs and checked on his kids, left a note for Deb and got the fuck out of there.

Gus and Debbie were both shocked, when they got up the next morning and found Justin in the kitchen alone.

“Where’s Dad Justin?” asked Gus.

“Oh he left a note. I guess he had an early meeting or something, because he left. It’s all right here Deb, he said that he’ll be around, around lunchtime for the kids.”

Deb could see the sad look on Justin’s face.

“Hey kiddo, why don’t you run upstairs and check on your sister for me, okay?”

“Sure thing Grandma, be right back.”

Debbie watched as Gus happily ran up the stairs, then she took a seat beside Justin.

“What’s the matter kid?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Brian left you a note, I know that but you see, he didn’t say anything to me. He left like four this morning. It was four in the morning and before that, he was in the bathroom, throwing his guts up. I started to go in and check on him, but I don’t think he wanted me too. I’m so confused, did I do something wrong?”

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Brian lately, so I guess you can tell, that he is a very proud man. What happened last night was for the best.” explained Deb.

“What?” questioned Justin.

“Brian saw last night, that you like him, for him. You love him I can see that, any fool can see that. You accept all of him and what happened didn’t make you turn away. You were there for him in every way, this has made him scared. Brian never knew that someone could love him, for him. Melanie and Lindsay, they loved him for who he was. Once they were gone, Brian didn’t think he’d ever find another cheerleader. Your cheering him on and he’s scared. He’s scared that you’ll leave, but mostly he’s scared that you’ll stay.”

Brian sat in his shrink's office, just looking at him like he was a mad man. He didn’t overreact. This was something that he just couldn’t handle. He was going to get rid of Justin before he became disgusted with him.

“What did you say?” Brian asked again.

:”I said, that you need to let people in, okay. I know that things are different now that Melanie and Lindsay are gone. But there is a place for you, in the heart of others besides, the two of them. You like Justin and he likes you. It’s freaking Christmas in a few days, try and be happy. I mean you’re forty now and you have two kids. You aren’t the type of man that men Justin’s age, are looking for.”

“Gee thanks, and you’re my shrink?”

“I’m not just your shrink, I’m your friend. I know where you’re coming from. Look at me Brian. I’m Blake, a man who sold his body for drugs. Who let the man that loved him the most, pay for his rehab and then leave. There were many times, he found me on the floor of Babylon, lying in my own filth. It was because I made it happen, unlike you. You can’t help what happened to you Brian. Let him in. He loves you.”

“I gotta go.” said Brian as he bolted from the room.

Justin walked into his job, there to greet him at the switchboard ,was Daphne. She had lost all that joy she had, when she was helping him out at his dad’s store. Now she was giving him that look. She wanted to know what was going on, well he wanted to share it with someone, so he might as well get it over with.

“What?”

“What? We needed you last night and you just blew us off. You can’t just blow this off, this is your career Justin,” Daphne scolded.

“Maybe I don’t want it to be anymore. Maybe all those doctors were right and I don’t need to be in this profession. I mean with the gimpy hand and sometimes my mind does wander, so you know maybe everyone was right and I should just stick to painting and give all of this up.”

“Don’t you ever say that you hear me! If you do that, then fucking Hobbs wins and we agreed that he would never win, at anything. What happened was a fucking accident and what has gotten you to acting this way, anyway?”

“I’m falling okay!”

“What?”

I’m like falling fast. No matter what I’m doing or where I’m going, I can’t stop thinking about him. When I close my eyes, I see him on top of me, pounding into me and I love him Daphne. I love him so fucking much. I know what I did is going to make him leave me, but I don’t know, I don’t care. I want this to last as long as it can. Then last night it happened. Now I think that he may really love me, because of what one of his mothers said.”

Daphne’s head was spinning. What was he talking about? One of his mothers?

“What are you talking about Justin?” Daphne asked still confused.

“Last night I went over to his adoptive mother's house and we all had dinner it was great. That’s why I told you, I couldn’t come to work. But right in the middle of dinner, Brian falls to the floor and has a seizure right there. I did everything I could to help him. But before it was over, he’d you know, all over himself. None of that mattered to me Daph, you know that. I took him upstairs and I took care of him. But he got up in the middle of the night and fled from the bed, leaving me in it, like I was poison. I have to get him to understand, that I don’t fucking care about that disease. I will Daph, this Christmas will be the first of many. I don’t care either. I don’t care about this job or anything else, all I care about is Brian!”

Daphne threw a file at Justin and walked from behind the desk.

“You listen to me, are you listening?” Daphne asked as Justin nodded.

“You are great at what you do and if you love him, you have to tell him what happened that night. I think if you tell him, then you’ll realize, that you had nothing to do with what happened. There’s something else, something missing and if you would just stop blaming yourself, you would have figured it out by now. Now take this file and go into room 47 and do your fucking job. Straighten this out here, then when you go on break, you and I will figure out the Brian situation, okay?”

“Okay, and thanks Daph. I knew that you would understand.”

“Of course I do, now go.

Justin couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he walked toward the room. He knew that talking to Daphne would make him feel better. He indeed was falling fast for Brian. If he could just get Brian, to get passed killing his sister, then maybe they could have a Merry Christmas. Justin couldn’t keep the smile off his face, as he turned the knob.

“Hi, I was just looking at the file, let's see if we can help your little girl out. I’m Dr. Taylor and why don’t you tell me what seems to be the…..”

All the thoughts that Justin was thinking, disappeared from his mind, when he was now looking into the faces of a very surprised Michael and Ben.


	8. The Things We Cannot Change

Chapter 8: The Things We Cannot Change

This was definitely something that Justin didn’t need. He didn’t need to walk in and see two of Brian’s friends there. He could do this though, he would do his job and save on the small talk. This was about their daughter, they had to be worried about her and not about wondering what he was doing there. So he gave them a smile and walked over to Imani.

Michael stood there in awe, as Justin examined their little girl. Justin was definitely good at what he was doing. All of a sudden, things that just didn’t make since before, did now. That’s why Justin knew how to handle Brian. He was a doctor so he had to know all about the disease. Wow, Brian had found the perfect person for him. A doctor would definitely know about the Epilepsy and know how to handle it. The big question was, why didn’t Brian tell anyone the truth about Justin.

"Justin, Brian didn’t tell us you were a doctor?" Michael stated suspiciously.

"Yea, that’s because Brian doesn’t know." replied Justin trying to get this examination over, as quickly as possible.

"Oh, that’s silly, why didn’t you tell him?" questioned Michael.

"Brian and I met at a club, then I think he might have seen me working at my dad’s store. We were just getting to know each other and he knows that I knew Melanie and Lindsay. I guess he just figures that the art is my full time job."

"You do know that this is the place where they died right?" replied Michael.

"Yea, I’m aware of it." responded Justin.

"Oh my god! Were you here that night, did you….."

"Michael!" shouted Ben, stopping his partner from being an ass.

"Listen, it looks like she’s just pulling at her ear because of an ear infection. Nothing to dangerous, so my friend, Daphne is with pediatrics. I’m going to send her in and we’ll get her started on some antibiotics. See you guys later, feel better Imani."

Justin practically ran out of the room, stopping by the switchboard, throwing the folder at Daphne as she looked at some notes of something. He had to get out of there. All of a sudden, the walls were closing in on him. Justin was panicking, it hadn’t been this bad since the bashing. He had to get out of there, what was Michael trying to say? He had to find Brian. He had to put an end to this before it blew up in his face in the worst way.

Three days! Three fucking days! It had been three days, since Brian scurried away from Deb’s house like a little faggot after what had happened. He knew that the others knew, why he had to get away. He always disappeared, after something like that happened. He couldn’t stand to see their faces. The concerned look, he fucking hated it. He was not a cripple, he was fabulous. Since that night, he had thrown himself into his work and the display was looking great. Trees. That was what he had decided on, trees.

Decorating the tree was always one of the best and worst parts of the holiday growing up in his household. His dad would take he and his sister out early that day and they’d pick the tree and come home and decorate it. They’d eat and have Christmas carols and be a family. Everything would be perfect until that night when his father would come in his room drunk and……

Brian shook his head trying his best to erase the images from his mind. The belt his father tied him to the bed with and then the other belt he’d whip him with. No, he’d forgiven him right. He had stopped drinking, had gotten counseling and became a father, but that was all lies when…..he just tried not to think about it. Trees were going to be a good thing. People could pay and decorate a tree. All proceeds would go to The Vic Grassi House and Brian had big things planned. This was going to be great.

Jennifer couldn’t keep the smile off of her face when she looked at her husband. He was crushing bad. If her husband was gay, he’d be in love with Brian Kinney. Every since he had gotten a whiff, that their son Justin, had picked up on his scent, he was giddy like a school girl. He talks about Brian constantly as it is. How the two of them became friends, she would never know but now he was practically picking out the china for the wedding.

"What are you doing?" she announced scaring her husband.

"Nothing I was just looking down at the assembly, what do you think he’s going to do with all those trees?"

"Why don’t you go down and ask him? I mean normally, I’d be up here and the two of you would be down there chomping at the bit."

"It’s different now Jen, he’s sleeping with my son and I heard what happened the other night. He and Molly were talking and he didn’t think I heard, but I did. I know you think it’s wrong what he’s doing but maybe it isn’t."

Oh come on Craig, you can’t be serious. He were there that night, he feels responsible for what happened and I’m suppose to just stand by and let them be together. This is a ticking bomb and I have to be the one to designate it before you know, BOOM."

Craig couldn’t keep the smile off his face, listening to his wife’s hysterics.

"So that’s why they’re coming to this party together. You want him to tell, are you’ll tell right? I’m sure that’s what you told our son."

"That’s what I told Molly and she passed on the message. This has gone on long enough, it’s time for this to come out."

Joan couldn’t take her eyes off of Brian. She saw him at the end of the counter sipping on his coffee trying to pretend like he didn’t see her. She knew him, she knew exactly what he was doing. He was going to throw himself into his work and pretend like this Justin thing was not affecting him. He was going to pretend that he didn't care and do what ever it took to push that poor boy that she knew loved him away. Well no she was not going for that not on her watch.

"Hello Brian."

"Mother." Brian answered not falling for the bait.

"Are you okay? Why are you sitting way in the back?"

"I have work to do mother and I didn’t want you or Deb walking over and disturbing me I’m just here for a quick lunch and then I’m done."

"Well shall I bring the kids back tonight?"

"No, you were right about me, you should keep them."

Hearing that was like a stab to Joan’s chest. She wanted what was best for the children and she tried to make Brian think that it was her, so he would step up and be the man, that she knew he could be. She was not going to let him do this.

"Well of course that was the plan, I shall keep them tonight but you know Gus, he’s going to want to stop by later. I’ll keep him tonight and tomorrow until you and Justin come back from the party. I’ll bring them back in time for the two of you, to get them to bed and play Santa."

"No! I mean you should keep them. Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll come and see them, spend time with them constantly and you know that if you need anything I’ll provide for them. You don’t have to worry about money but they shouldn’t be in a home with me. I was never meant to be a family man."

Now Joan was pissed off, she was not going to sit there and let him spat off those awful words. Words that she knew came from Jack Kinney. A person he so easily forgave. Oh, but her no, he still never forgave her for anything….

"You will do no such thing! These are your children, they love you and you love them. I will bring them by and you and Justin will have your time with them. This is the beginning of a new life for you Brian, I’m so proud of you. I knew you could do this."

"I can’t!! Justin is gone and he’s not coming back. I made sure of it. I don’t want a boyfriend anyhow , and I sure didn’t want any kids. Lindsay played on my emotions and she got me high. I’m not cut out for the hand holding and monogamy, and shit like that, I’m queer and I like cock. Not just one either, I need lots. I don’t need a man or kids dragging me down, so you can have them."

Joan knew that Brian was baiting her. She knew that he was trying to make her upset so that she would take the children. She knew this, but it still hurt, to hear him say such things about his children. Before she knew it, she had slapped his face hard.

"Brian, I’m…."

"Fucking save it mother! I knew you still had it in you, still the mean bitch I know and hate. Don’t worry after that, you’re not keeping my kids. I’ll file a motion of my own. Debbie can have them. The Kinney’s are poison it’ll be better if he didn’t even know the ones that remain."

Joan watched as her son stormed out of the diner. Of course she didn’t mean to smack him, and she knew that he didn’t really mean what he said. He was running scared. It was happening again. He was falling in love and it was scaring him shitless.

"Hey you! This is getting old, pretty fast."

"Do they even know where you are? You are one of those kids, that needs to have a tracking device implanted on them."

"No, they know that I’m here. Grandma Deb brought me down to do some last minute shopping. I told her, I just had to get here fast. She thinks I came to see Uncle Craig. I didn’t though, I came to see you."

"Gus, you refer to my dad as Uncle Craig?"

"Yea, he’s nice and my dad likes him a lot. Your sister Molly is nice too. I never knew that was your dad. I have something that I think you should see because I don’t understand."

"What is it?" Justin asked curiously.

"Well, sometimes when I think about my parents, I like to look at pictures of them. I mean it’s weird, they haven’t been gone that long but it’s like I’m forgetting something. But yea, I was looking at their wedding photos and I found this. It’s you and my daddy."

Justin grabbed the picture from Gus and couldn’t believe his eyes. It was him, it was him and Brian. They were dancing. He sort of remembered that night, but sometimes things are so confusing. He kept telling people that he saw Brian over and over again, but people never believed him. They looked so happy. They looked like they belonged together.

"Wow I remember this, it was the night of my accident. It’s pretty much all I remember."

"Accident, are you okay?" Gus asked concerned.

"I’m fine Gus, is this all you came to show me, this picture."

"Are you breaking up with us?"

It was hard for Justin to keep a straight face when Gus said that. He was adorable and he looked just like Brian, when he said that. It made his heart melt, he asked if he was breaking up with them, that was so cute like they were a package deal.

"I’m not breaking up with your father. I like him a lot. In fact I’m leaving here and going over to see him. There’s something I need to tell him but I’m afraid that when it’s over, he might not want us to be together anymore. Gus, I need to say I’m sorry because you came to me and I promised so much and I may not be able to deliver."

"It’s okay Sunshine, my dad likes you a lot and Grandma Deb says it’s not just lusting. It’s true that he hasn’t felt anything like this, since my mother. But I have to go okay. Now I’ll see you tomorrow right, after the party."

"Yea I’ll see you Gus."

"Bye Sunshine."

 

"Why are you saying such things Michael?!" asked Ben.

"Oh come on, there’s something about, how he easily forgot to tell Brian, that he was there that night that they died. I bet he was there, I bet he killed them!"

"Oh my god Michael, you’re jealous. You’re jealous because Brian has finally gotten someone and it’s not you. He’s not pining over you, and looking over our shoulders waiting for us to break up, so he can swoop in and play with your emotions, cling to you like a security blanket. You sill want to be his security blanket!"

"No, but that explains it. Mel died because of a clot. I bet he missed it, and he killed her and he feels guilty. Justin knows that if Brian knew, that he’d dump him like yesterday's garbage. He’s going over there to make him feel for him and not telling him. I’m not going to let him do that to my best friend!"

"Michael, why can’t you let them be together. He loves him, and Brian feels the same way. Do you really want to be the one to take that away from him. You see it, you told me yourself that you see it. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, do you want to go over there and tell Brian that the man he loves, might have had something do with the death of his sister. Do you want to be that man?"

"Fine. I’ll give Justin a chance to tell him. He has until after Christmas. I swear when it’s all over, after Brian had his perfect holiday, if he hasn’t told by then, I’ll tell him. I will Ben. Brian deserves to know the truth."

"Fine after the holiday."

Justin walked into Brian’s home, using the key that he’d given him. It was dark and eerie, that was the first thing that made Justin panic. He called out Brian’s name and there was no answer. He also called out for Gus and he didn’t receive an answer from him either. Justin went to the kitchen and turned off the pot that was about to boil over and ran upstairs. By now, he was at full blown panic and he began to scream for Brian. Justin reached the last door at the end of the hall and stopped dead in his tracks, at what he found inside.

Brian was asleep at his drafting table. He was so adorable, he had a little smile on his face and he was wheezing because of his deviated septum. Just another reason that Justin knew for sure, that he was definitely in love with this man. There was no escaping it. He walked over and nudged Brian.

"Come on Brian, lets go to bed." he whispered soothingly.

Brian never realized how tired he was when he sat down to work on his boards for Olivia’s campaign. She wanted to see something right after Christmas and he was going to have to wow her. He had also been working on the fucking tree thing and well, he was glad that he didn’t have the kids that night, cause he was so tired. Brian looked up into the face of the person, he had wanted to see for the past three days and the person he didn’t want to see for the past three days. It was the same person. Justin.

"Justin?" he asked still half asleep.

"Yea, come on big guy lets get you to bed."

"No, I got work to do, just a couple of more minutes."

"No! I came all this way because I’m tired and I want to fall asleep next to you. Don’t you want the same thing?"

Brian wanted to scream no.

"Yes." he practically whispered.

Justin slowly walked Brian down the stairs. It was sort of like the night of his seizure only this time, Brian was just dead weight, since he was tired from work. Justin thought it was weird that Brian’s bedroom and kitchen were downstairs but then he remembered that the upstairs was an addition. Justin slowly helped Brian out of his clothes and decided that he was going to ignore Brian’s semi erect cock, that was begging him to suck it. This was not about that, he was putting his man to bed. Justin pulled Brian on his side of the bed and pulled the covers over him. Brian was fast asleep, mouth open, wheezing up a storm. It was like music to Justin’s ears. He snuggled closer to Brian and begin to think to himself.

There are things in our lives that we can not change. Taking a cookie when your mom said not to, getting drunk at that party and sleeping with that guy, oh and killing the most important person, in the life of that person, you believe your falling in love with.

Justin closed his eyes and tried to let sleep claim him, but before he did Brian turned to him and held on tight.

"I missed you Sunshine." Brian whispered and he kissed Justin on the forehead.

Justin was stunned. Brian kissed him. It was sweet, and innocent and there was nothing about sex, even linked to it. It was something different, something deeper, something that mattered. Oh yea, there are plenty of things that you can not change, but at that very moment there was dozens, Justin wished he could.


	9. The Secrets We Keep

Chapter 9: The Secrets We Keep

It was Christmas Eve, where does the time go, Ben thought as he got up to check on his daughter. She really was beautiful and he still couldn’t believe that she was his. He and Michael had a daughter. It was exciting being a father. Not that he wasn’t already a father, Hunter is great and maybe he’ll make it home in time for Christmas but this was a kid he could watch grow up. This was also a kid that would watch him die, he shook his head and decided not to think of those thoughts. The world of medicine is amazing us everyday so maybe they’d be a cure and he’d see her get married. He was torn from his thoughts by strong hands wrapping around him.

"What are you thinking about?" asked Michael.

"It’s Christmas Eve, tonight we get to put out all the presents and be Santa aren’t you excited to see how her face lights up when she opens the packages."

"Ma says that when I was this little that I preferred the packages instead of what was actually inside of them and she’s barely one so next year will be a more memorable year for her."

"Yea but I’m still excited and I’m glad that it was just an ear infection the other day, I’m so use to worrying about every little sniff and cough that I was queening out."

"Everyone’s allowed to have a queen moment, now come on we've got to get to mom's, she has a ton of stuff for us to help with and then I want to go and see Brian."

"Michael." scolded Ben

"I’m just stopping by to see if he needs us to help with anything I promise that I’m not going to say anything about Justin."

"Fine I need to go over there anyways to drop off our gifts in case we don’t see them tomorrow. Lets go.

 

 

Brian opened his eyes and he was face to face with blue eyes and blonde hair. It felt differently this time around though. He wasn’t panicked or afraid. He was thrilled when he opened his eyes and his wish had come true. He thought to himself he would have to kill Melanie and Lindsay if they weren’t already dead. Since they’ve been away they have turned him into the biggest lesbian around. Justin gave him one of his big sunshine smiles and it made something inside of his chest hurt.

"Hey." said Justin.

"Hey, did you sleep well?"

"Even though you were pressed up against me wheezing all night and you forgot a couple times that you weren’t in bed alone, I’d say I slept…that was the best night of sleep I think I’ve ever had."

Brian tried but he just couldn’t stop the laugh from escaping his lips.

"Whoa Sunshine did we just turn on lifetime." joked Brian.

"You know what I mean, I just...this is where I wanted to be, I hope it’s what you wanted as well."

"Yea, I keep trying to push you away but yea I like waking up with you beside me."

"Brian you and I need to talk."

"Oh god, it’s never good when you start the talk off with that, let me shower and then we’ll talk. Care to join me we can conserve water?"

"No I’m going to stay right here and shower after you if that’s okay."

"Sure, I’ll make it quick busy day."

 

 

Gus sat in his grandma’s kitchen forcing down the third helping of pancakes. He enjoyed being with his grandmother, but sometimes it just seemed like she was trying to hard. He sat at the counter eating the pancakes and feeding Liddie her eggs. Then he heard loud talking coming from the foyer. His grandmother had taken a call and normally he wouldn’t eavesdrop but something told him he should.

Joan tried to keep her voice down she didn’t want Gus to hear but this call was starting to get a little hot and heavy.

"What do you mean you’re not coming for Christmas?" Joan screamed into the phone.

"Have you told him yet mother?" asked Claire.

"It’s to soon to tell him, if I tell Brian now in his fragile state there’s no telling…."

"No telling what mother!" screaming Claire cutting her mother off.

"I called to know if you were coming for Christmas, your brother needs you in a time like this and you haven’t seen Lindsay."

"I will make it down to see my brother and if I don’t I will call him and he will understand but we’re not talking about that now mother we are talking about you and the secrets that you keep."

"Brian would never understand if I told him now, he would think that I was keeping it from him on purpose."

"Weren’t you, I mean I only found out about it by accident and it explains a lot of the things that have happened in our lives and I think you like keeping him down. You like it that he hates daddy and you better tell him the truth mother!"

"You listen here you ungrateful little….."

"Grandma is everything alright?" asked a concerned Gus.

"I’m fine Gus I’ll be back in a minute is everything okay?

"Yea Grandma everything is fine you were just shouting."

"It’s fine, I’ll be back in a sec, go back to your sister you can’t leave someone so small alone in a kitchen."

"Okay Grandma.

Joan watched her grandson walk back around the corner before she finished her call.

"We’ll talk about this later Claire, do what you can to get here."

And then she disconnected the call before Claire could say anything.

 

Brian couldn’t shake the fact that it did hurt because Justin didn’t join him in the shower. Why wouldn’t he want to shower with him? What is it that he has to talk to him about? Did he want to break up? He tried his best not to let these things get to him but sometimes he just couldn’t help it. Sometimes his emotions just got in the way and he knows that is something that he has to keep under control. He looked at himself in the mirror as he opened his medicine cabinet. He looked at his pills and thought to himself when was the last time he had taken one? It had been a week. A week and he was doing so good. His mother and the rest of them had to be wrong. He could control his own body. He thought no, he’d better take a pill and when he reached for the bottle he heard Justin calling his name.

Michael tried but he couldn’t keep the scold off of his face when the door to Brian’s loft slid back and one Dr. Taylor was there shirtless and only wearing that stupid little smile on his face. He called out to Brian and he came around the corner with that I just fucked look on his face and Justin disappeared into the bathroom.

"Hey Brian, we came to drop off these gifts." announced Ben

"Awe professor, the ones for you and yours are at Kinnetik, I have to keep them there because Gus, tends to plunder."

"What brings you two by so early?"

"Mom is probably going to have us all afternoon and we know that you’ll be busy tonight with the kids so we brought by our gifts."

Well thanks Professor, Mikey. I’m going to this party with Sunshine tonight and then we’re going to come back and get ready for the kids." Brian said kissing a already dressed Justin who once appeared from around the corner.

"Your fast." said Brian.

"In my line of profession you learn to be ready fast." stated Justin.

"Artist?"

"No Brian we saw Justin…." Mikey was cut off by Ben pushing him in the ribs.

"You saw what?" questioned Brian

"I’ll explain later Brian, but now I have to go."

"What I thought we had plans?"

"We do Brian but I got paged but I’ll meet you for lunch so yea I’ll see you later. It was nice seeing you again Ben. Michael.

 

"You can’t be serious?" Deb questioned staring Joan right in the eye.

"Deb I came to you because I need your help and I want your opinion. Be honest what do you think?"

"Joan I have known you since the first night he ran in here trying to escape his father. You came the next day and I thought it was you to blame but after you told me everything I told you that he always had a place here and even you if you decided to run but what you’re telling me, how do you think it will make him feel?"

"I know that I shouldn’t have kept it from him but I never thought that Jack would change and I sure as hell never thought that Brian would forgive him."

"No you hoped he wouldn’t!" screamed Deb.

"I beg your pardon?" asked Joan.

"Don’t get all high and mighty with me, you hoped that he wouldn’t forgive him. You wanted him to hate him to blame forever but then Jack got counseling and he opened his heart to Brian and faced his demons and was becoming a man and you didn’t like that did you. You’re jealous."

"How could he Deb? There was many nights that after he’d untie him and leave him for what could be dead, he’d head upstairs to me and want me to do my womanly job. Then if I refused he would tell me that he’d get Claire or Melanie or even Brian!"

"What? Are you telling me that bastard touched your girls? That he and Brian---"

"Of course not Deb. He was an abuser not a molester. He would’ve never touched the girls or Brian that was just his way of making me be his wife. I didn’t want to but I did to protect my family. What if one of these times I tried to call his bluff he called mine? I did all of that and in the end he forgave him. He forgave him! He did everything to him, broke almost every bone in his body and he forgave him! What about me? I stood there and I held his hand when it was over and all the folks at the hospital were looking at me because you know it’s always the mother but he never forgave me. Why not!" screamed Joan.

"Because you never said you were sorry!" screamed Brian.

Joan was frozen in her spot and so was Deb she wondered how much he had heard. She doubt he heard the part he really needed too.

"You stood by and let him do it. Sometimes you even watched, other times you would go get drunk. Mel would find me or even Claire and then they’d sober you up and you took me to the doctor or sometimes they helped me here and Deb took me. When I got bigger he stopped, and then when he got sober he said he was sorry for everything. Jack told me there were things that I didn’t understand and he’d tell me one day. He could recall every time he did it and he said he was sorry. You never did. You stood by and watched and then you cleaned up your mess. You told me not to tell the people at the church, you gave me to the church so they could remove my demon cause I was bad. You turned away every time his fist made contact. You were never there when I cried or screamed your name!"

"Brian I was scared. I’d tell him to stop and he wouldn’t. I thought that if I’d let it happen that it wouldn’t be so bad that in the end he’d stop. I’m so sorry."

"Save it. I’m going down to Taylor’s and finish up the assembly. Tonight at ten you drop off the kids and when Christmas is over we’ll discuss the next time they get to be alone with you. Deb…"

"Anything you need Brian I’m here." Deb replied.

"I’ll call you later." he responded and he left the store.

 

Daphne had been watching her friend all day but she knew that something was up. It wasn’t that he was acting erratic or anything it was just that he was throwing himself in the cases that came through the door. He was totally treating the patients and that was making her happy. Ever since what happened to the girls, Justin was considering giving up all his training and that would’ve been awful because well, he was great at his work. She looked at her clock and it was almost noon. She had to tell him what she had done. She just hoped he didn’t hate her.

"Hey." she announced.

"Hey yourself, listen we’re going to go and have lunch soon do you want to join us?"

"No I’m heading down to the mall and I thought that maybe you wanted to join me. I’m going to the assembly that your guy is working on."

"What?" Justin screamed.

"I brought the kids that are going to be here on Christmas a tree and we’re going down to decorate it. They told me too do all that I can to make sure that Justin is there. I showed them all the pictures of you as the elf and they thought that you were just the adorable guy that you are."

"I can’t go down there with you and the kids. They won’t be able to help themselves and one of them will call me Dr. Justin. I haven’t told Brian yet. I’m going to tell him tonight after the party."

"Oh come on Justin do you really think that he is going to freak when he finds out the truth. I bet he’ll love the fact that you are a doctor oh and it’ll give you two new games to play in the bedroom when you’re fucking him into the mattress." she smiled.

"I told you Brian is a top and he’s barely touched me since that first night."

"Oh you found yourself a gentlemen. But I guess at that age that’s the way it would be. Oh and he doesn’t use any of the blue pills either does he?" joked Daphne

"No Brian is more than capable of going all night on his own. I just hope that I get to be the one he goes all night with after tonight."

"So you're going to tell him?"

"Yea Daphne tonight I’m going to give him his Christmas present and I just hope he can still look at me the same way after I do."

 

Brian was happy with the way that the display was turning out. He was truly doing his father justice. A part of him hated that fact that he still felt compelled to do a good job for his father. Oh he knew why, because it had the Kinney name on it. A name that he had and the name of his son and he would make sure that was a name that he was proud of instead of ashamed. He looked up and the two faces coming his way weren’t to happy.

"Hey you two, what do you think of the display?" Brian asked casually.

"Don’t pull that innocent act with us we just left the diner and your mother was in tears." said a very upset George Schickel.

"It’s not like that George, you don’t know the full story she had it coming. I should have told her that a long time ago, I’ll admit that maybe I shouldn’t have told her on Christmas Eve in front of everyone but I’ve always been one for a show." Joked Brian.

"I don’t know Brian she was crying like someone died and even Deb was feeling sorry for her." expressed Emmett.

"I went at it the wrong way I’ll admit it okay, are the two you happy, and tonight after Justin and I go to his parents’ party I’ll apologize like a good little boy. I hope that makes everyone happy."

"It will it’s Christmas, be merry right now and then when it's all over, you can rip each others heart out. Well looks like you have a crowd coming in so Georgie and I’ll be going now if we don’t see you tomorrow Merry Christmas." cheered Emmett.

"Merry Christmas Emmett and you to George."

Brian went over to greet the faces of the children who had just walked in and he was surprised to see who was with them. He put down his supplies and decided to assist them himself.

"Well hello Miss Daphne. I’m surprised to learn that not only are you Santa’s little helper but you are also a nurse."

"No that’s Dr. Chanders to you and the kids and I would like the biggest tree you have." announced Daphne.

Brian looked at the kids and normally he wouldn’t let things like that get to him but he saw the kids and his heart went out to them. To be alone and have to spend Christmas in the hospital blew he knew from experience. Although looking at the kids they were sick but they hadn’t had their brains smashed in by their father’s hand.

"I tell you what, you guys can pay me for the one right there in the corner, but you can help decorate the big one over there for free." announced Brian.

"Brian we couldn’t." announced Daphne.

"Please I insist. Now I have to go and track down your friend. The guys here will help you out. Merry Christmas Daph see you later."

 

Justin Taylor sat at a quiet booth in the back of the diner thinking about what was too come in the next couple of hours. He had to think, should he tell him now or after the party? Maybe he’ll take things better if he’s liquored up and having a good time. That made a smile come to Justin’s face. Yea he’d liquor him up and break the news to him. It was Christmas and he knew Brian’s reputation maybe he could get a fuck out of him. Damn it was silly for him to think of such things.

"Hey." said Brian.

"Hey yourself, I thought I’d be grabbing lunch alone and then heading over to this party." said Justin.

"No I know how the Taylor office parties go and I’m ready to see your mom and your dad, and this Chris that your sister has been dating I wonder will I like him."

"Probably not, did you meet that last guy she was dating. I swore his was gay, but he didn’t fall for my advances so I guess he wasn’t after all," Justin said.

"You tried to make the moves on your sister’s boyfriend?" inquired Brian.

"Don’t look at me like that, the guy was a total sleaze and I was just making sure that my sister had someone nice to come home too."

"Of course I’m sure that’s what you were doing. Lets go so we can go back to my place and I can give you your present."

"Oh really Brian what did you get me?"

"You’ll have to be a good boy and I’ll show you what Santa bought."

"Oh I’ll be good, this is the first piece of your present."

Brian couldn’t help himself when he got the bag, he tore it open like a little kid. He pulled out the bottle and tried to but couldn’t help the frown on his face.

"It’s a bottle of Rum. I don’t drink much and when I do, I sure as hell don’t drink Rum, Sunshine."

"It’s not for drinking. After the party tonight and we go back to your place, I’m going to cook you some great Rum balls. We have them every Christmas and this year, I want to have them with you."

Brian didn’t know what to feel. He wanted to make one of his traditions their tradition. He would cry if he was a lesbian but thoughts like this made his dick soft and he had plans for his dick later so he just threw his arm around Justin’s shoulder and showed him outside where the car was waiting..

Jennifer didn’t know what to say about the way that the night was going. First off Brian, nor her son, had gotten there yet and that had her worried. Had her son decided to tell him before the party and now they were somewhere fighting because of the secret that her son had to tell. She knew that if this was happening to her, she’d be furious so she wouldn’t blame Brian if he had left her son on the side of the road somewhere. But she hoped he hadn’t. Justin had secrets of his own. Justin had way to many secrets of his own. Then there was Molly. Yea, Molly had secrets too apparently.

"Why are you over here alone?" asked Craig.

"You are not worrying about what’s going to happen here tonight. Look over there at Molly and Chris. The way she talked about him, I tell you this was nothing like I expected."

"I know you of all people, can’t be upset because Chris is black."

"Don’t be ridiculous Craig, but last year our daughter was in love with Mark and that’s all we heard about for months about how much she loved Mark and how she was going to have "Mark Babies" but now here she is with Chris and all I have to say about that is, Chris is a very attractive woman but are all my children out to make it so that I’m never a grandmother?"

Craig couldn’t stop the smile that was spreading across his face. Sometimes his wife just was too cute for words. Hadn’t they just had this conversation days ago.

"As I’ve said before what about Gus and Liddie? If things go the way we want them too, those kids will be calling you grandma in no time and just because this month our daughter is a lesbian, doesn’t mean she’s going to stay that way and even if she does, that doesn’t mean they’ll be no children. Hell, Justin might decide to let Daphne have a little one for he and Brian that way, they’ll be a piece of him in the family."

"Well if you put it that way, I guess I should just enjoy the party." she smiled.

"Exactly." he smiled back, kissing her lovingly and leading her on the dance floor.

Justin was about to walk up on Brian, he had the strangest look on his face. He followed his eyes and saw him looking at the angel that sat atop their tree. That made him wonder if he realized the first day they met. He had actually realized it a few days ago. Now was good enough time. He’d get as many more happy moments with him that he could because soon it was going to be over.

"What are you looking at?" he asked calmly.

"I was just looking at that angel on top of the tree. It made me think of the first time you and I met."

"Oh Brian, so are you starting to believe all the times you and I have been a few feet away from each other and not know it?"

"Yea. I remember I was seventeen so you had to be what five? My dad and Mel and I were looking for the topper for our tree and that was when I saw it. The angel. I wanted it from the moment I saw it because it was a boy, a blonde boy in his cute little suit but you grabbed it and was so happy. You told your mom that if it was naked it would be perfect. I just let you have it. I thought it was odd you said that, I mean you were only five but hey I guess back then you even knew that you wanted a man."

Justin couldn’t help but laugh but then he looked at Brian and something was off. "Are you okay?"

"Yea, look I know that this is your folks party but we’ve come, we saw, now do you think we could leave?"

"Sure Brian, let me get my coat."

Justin tried not to run from Brian to get his coat. He knew that look. That was the look that he and Brian shared that first night he took him home and fucked him through the mattress. He couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Brian was going to fuck him and maybe just maybe if he batted his eyes and asked nicely maybe he’d let him fuck him in return.

Gus would admit it, he was getting inpatient, he was ready to get back to his dad so they could get their presents. His grandmother had closed herself up in the bedroom while Liddie took her nap and now he could hear the shouting. She was having a very loud conversation with someone and he knew that he shouldn’t be listening but fuck it, he wanted to know what was going on.

Joan looked at her door once more, cause she could have sworn that she heard someone out there but once again there was no one. She just couldn’t get it through her daughter’s head and well at first she wanted her to come but now maybe it wasn’t a good idea.

"You’re right Claire maybe it would be better if you came at the beginning of the year. Or in the summer even better the boys would have a longer summer break. I know they enjoy having fun with Gus."

"Oh no mother you’re right, I’ve decided that I’m coming and my Christmas present to my brother will be a fine dose of the truth because what you are doing is bullshit!

"Claire Kinney, I told your brother a few days ago he wouldn’t talk to me that way and I will not have you talking to me that way either. I am still your mother and you owe me respect."

"Respect is something that you earn. Mom, he thinks that daddy was drunk and that’s wrong. He is going to go on hating him because he killed Mel and he killed Lindsay and you know that he didn’t mean it. You know dad had a seizure, you know that he had Epilepsy. But you won’t tell Brian that’s why dad was the way he was, he used the drinking to cope!"

"Your brother doesn’t need to know your father was sick like him. It will make matters worse!"

"Sick like him." Gus thought. In his mind he put two and two together and he knew what that meant. His grandfather had seizures like his dad. His dad had never told him that.

"Grandma." whispered Gus.

Joan was more than stunned when she looked into the eyes of her grandson. She thought to herself, how long had he been there? Did he hear what she said? How would she cover it up? Gus was too young to understand right?"

"Grandma, dad said that grandpa lied, that he was a liar. He said that grandpa was still drinking and because of that, it killed momma and mom. Is it not true?"

Joan thought to herself that things would just be easier if she lied but she couldn’t, not when she saw the look in his eyes.

"No Gus, your grandpa wasn’t drunk he was sick like your daddy. He couldn’t help what happened."

This made Gus mad, cause he was right there with his father when his grandma had told him, that his father had been drinking. That was what the doctor had told her.

"You’re a fucking liar!" Gus screamed and he ran from the house.

"Gus! Gus get back here now! Gus!" Joan screamed but she knew it was no use Gus was long gone.


	10. Oh Shit!

Brian hadn’t been this nervous since he lost his virginity to his gym teacher and actually he doesn't think he was this nervous then. He wanted to touch Justin, heck a part of him even wanted Justin to touch him, and he didn’t know where the hell that was coming from. He was jittery. Maybe he did need that pill after all.

"Why hasn’t he touched me?" Justin thought. Did he bring me back here to break up? I should just tell him right? If I tell him real fast like pulling off a band-aid then maybe things will be fine and he’ll forgive me. Right? Yea I have to be a stupid fucker to believe that too.

Brian couldn’t take it anymore he leaned forward and began to kiss Justin. Justin could feel himself harden and Brian begin to help him with the buttons on his shirt. It was going to happen, Brian was going to fuck him, Justin thought.

Brian began to kiss down his neck and twist his nipples, he knew this was going to be it, he saw Brian reach for a condom out of the bowl he kept on the nightstand but what he did next freaked Justin out.

"What are you doing Brian?" asked Justin.

"The first night you came here you told me you were a top and well you caved and I’ve decided that tonight I want to know what it is to feel you inside of me." expressed Brian.

"What?" asked a scared Justin.

"Just go easy okay, it’s been awhile.

Brian I can’t I can’t do this!" Justin screamed hopping from the bed putting back on his shirt.

"What why, did I do something wrong?"

Justin looked at Brian and could see the hurt and fear of being rejected all over his face.

"No I did something wrong."

"What?"

I take his hand and I pour my heart out. I tell him how I was off duty two hours before they came in but I refuse to leave. I told him how sometimes with my brain injury I have to make checks in my head and I swore I checked everything when it came to Melanie. I told him how I talked to her and she talked to me and how there was no sign that she hit her head to bad and that Lindsay really was hurt more than she was, so Lindsay had to go first. I told him how when I went back to check on her she was dead and I had missed the clot. I told him everything, as I held his hand and tried my best not to cry. The look on his face alone, told me that this was the beginning, of the end.

"Are you telling me you killed her?" shouting Brian pulling his hand away and rising from the bed.

"No, well I don’t know, that’s the whole thing, I don’t know if I missed it because I was tired and shouldn’t be working or if I just missed the clot as anyone else would have."

"You can’t believe that Sunshine, if you thought it was a mistake that anyone would have made, you wouldn’t have kept it from me and I was about to, I was going to let you fuck me! Little did I know, I was being fucked this whole time!" shouted Brian.

"Brian I’m sorry, it doesn’t change how I feel about you," said Justin as he rose from the bed.

"How you feel about me? You can’t feel anything about me. I told you things that I didn’t tell anyone, and I let you near my son, what am I suppose to tell him now. Justin had to go away because he killed mommy? How the fuck am I suppose to do that?"

"We can think of something together." soothed Justin.

"Get out." said Brian sternly

"Get out, Get out! GET OUT!!!" screamed Brian

Justin practically ran to the door but he stopped.

"Wait there’s something else that I found out, something that I don’t think you are aware of," stated Justin.

"What the fuck else could you possibly have to say to me Sunshine?"

"Your dad wasn’t drunk, he had an epileptic seizure, and that is what caused the accident. Seems like the two of you had something in common."

Justin was about to turn around to see Brian reaction but he was nearly assaulted with a flying bottle of Rum, crashing down on him. He opened the door to a very scared looking Joan and Liddie. He couldn’t face them right now he smiled and ran around the corner.

Brian plastered a smile on his face and he took Liddie from his mother. He smiled in her face and began to coo, but then he noticed that someone was missing.

"Where’s Gus? Is he getting the stuff from the car?"

"The thing to do now is no panic."

"What are you talking about mother, where the hell is my son?"

"Michael and Ben are looking for him, what is that on you, have you been drinking?"

"No I haven’t fucking been drinking where the fuck is my son?"

"He overheard a conversation that he shouldn’t have and he got angry and he just ran off. I had come to get you to help and take Liddie but you’ve been drinking so I’m going to take Liddie and go" said Joan reaching for Liddie in her carrier.

"Get your hands off of her I haven’t be drinking I threw a bottle of rum I’m sober, what did he hear?" Brian tried to ask calmly.

"You’re scaring me Brian, and your eyes look funny, when was the last time you had your pill?"

"What the fuck did he hear mother!" screamed Brian.

"I was on the phone with Claire and we were talking about your father and the accident, and what I’ve been keeping from you. I’m so sorry Brian I never meant for this to go this far."

"What are you talking about mother? Don’t lie to me either, I’ve heard enough lies tonight so don’t you fucking lie to me."

"Your father wasn’t drunk. He was driving the girls home and he had a seizure, your father had epilepsy."

Brian couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The wheels begin to turn in his head. So much stuff made since. His father would drink a lot and he’d beat him. The trips to the doctor his dad would make and how they couldn’t have a goldfish. So much shit made since now.

"I’ll handle you later, for now watch Liddie I have to find my son.

 

Justin took a seat on the stool of the first bar he could find. He didn’t give a rats ass that it was a breeder bar all he knew was he wanted to get plastered. How could he do this? He knew that it was going to be a big blow up, the longer that he kept the secret. But Brian actually breaking up with him, maybe it was something that he didn’t want to think about. He downed three shots of beam and then someone took a seat on the stool next to him.

"You got to be fucking kidding me!" Justin shouted.

"Listen kid I’ve been sitting at a mall all day and having kids piss on me and tell me what they want for Christmas. It can have a toll on a person and well, I just want to throw back a couple of brews and then see if "Mrs. Claus" is in the mood tonight."

"I just think it’s ironic that I’ve spent my days being a "special elf" and here I am sitting next to Santa. Well you know Santa you suck, and well you didn’t get me at all what I wanted for Christmas. Let me rephrase that you gave it to me and then you took it away. I always heard you were Satan, guess you proved it this year."

"What’s got you down kid?" asked "Santa"

"I’m not a kid." replied Justin.

And before he realized it, Justin was pouring his heart out to "Santa". Telling him how he loved Brian and Gus and even Liddie and how he killed his sister and what could’ve been his wife. Before long he had the attention of the whole bar. Everyone felt for him and he got even drunker when people started buying him drinks. Before he realized an hour had passed and his new friends were putting him in a cab.

Brian realized that he was driving like a maniac but he had to find Gus. The kid could be anywhere. And a ten year old running around on Liberty was not a good thing, and it didn’t help that he didn’t look ten he looked fifteen. He was safe though, because everyone knew he was his kid and no one would fuck with him but then there was others who would fuck with him just because he was his kid.

"Damn it Gus! Where are you?" Brian said to no one in particular.

"I’m right here daddy," responded Gus crawling from the backseat, from where he was hiding.

"Don’t you ever do anything like this again. You can’t just go running off . Do you realize that you had your grandmother scared to death?"

"She’s a liar dad, she lied about the accident. Grandpa was sick like you and she told you awful things, so you’d hate him again. You told me there’s nothing worst than a liar and that was what she is. She’s a lying bitch!"

"Augustus Kinney, you will not speak that way about your grandmother or anyone else." Brian stated sternly.

Gus knew when his father was getting angry. He would begin to rub the back of his neck and pinch the bridge of his nose. He also noticed that his father’s eyes looked funny.

"Daddy are you okay?" asked a worried Gus.

Before Brian could answer, his hand jerked the wheel and he lost control of the car, slamming into a mailbox that was on the side of the street.

When the car came to a complete stop and Gus could see the smoke, he immediately went to his father. He was frightened by what he saw.

His father’s whole body was jerking and he was making a funny noise. He was having a seizure. Gus tried to hold him still like he had seen his grandmother or his Uncle Mikey do but he couldn’t stop him, he was too small and his father was to big. He could hear that someone had called an ambulance because he could hear it coming. He just held his father and prayed that they would be there in time to help his dad.

"Hey buddy, looks like there’s been an accident. We’re going to be here a while." stated the cab driver.

"An accident, does anyone look hurt I’m a doctor maybe I can help?"

"I don’t know looks like a jeep hit a mailbox up there."

"A jeep!" shouted Justin as he undid his seatbelt and bolted from the car.

He didn’t know why he was running up the street to the accident. Just because it was a jeep and Brian had a jeep, didn’t necessarily mean that it had to be him. I mean, Brian didn’t even drive often and he certainly wouldn’t be driving right now, since he had a seizure recently. Something in his gut just told him that it was Brian and suddenly, all the alcohol was gone from his system and he was sober as hell. When he got to the scene, he thought he’d drop dead right there, it was Brian’s jeep. He was pulled from his thoughts by the crying of what could only be Gus.

Justin ran to the side of the car and he could see that Brian was having a seizure. Gus was trying to do his best to keep Brian still but he couldn’t do it because he was obviously scared.

"Gus, are you hurt?" asked Justin

Gus was relieved when he saw Justin standing there. He knew Justin could help.

Just then the paramedics arrived and Justin began to assist them with loading Brian into the ambulance. He wanted to go with Brian but he knew he couldn’t because of Gus. He took Gus' hand and they walked back to his cab. He had to get to the hospital.


	11. It All Comes Out

Gus and I make it there in record time. We arrive and two minutes after we arrive the ambulance does. Something has got to be done about that and I think that I should talk to someone about that at the next meeting because I was in a cab that was involved in a traffic jam and there’s no way that I should make it here before the ambulance does. I tell Gus to wait in my office and I put on my lab coat and sneak in to triage where they have Brian.

My job right now is not to assist, I know that even though the people here don’t know that I am too close to try anything, I just want to watch and make sure that they are doing everything that they can to help Brian. My thoughts are cut off as soon as I hear them say those wrong words.

"Subject was involve in car accident, obviously due to drinking while driving, I can smell the booze on him." announced Sherry.

"He has not been drinking, the bottle of booze was wasted on him before the accident, he was out looking for his son!" I screamed.

The room went quiet as everyone looked at me. I know I must look crazy because I had Brian’s blood on me and they probably are wondering how, since I didn’t arrive in the ambulance and I wasn’t assisting them at the current time. Daphne was there, I hadn’t even noticed her but she lead me from the room.

‘What the hell happened Justin?"

"Brian was in an accident, he hasn’t been drinking. Make sure they don’t put that in the report. We had a fight about the truth and well he got angry when I left and he threw a bottle at me and that’s why they smell the alcohol it spilled on him. Don’t let them say awful things about him Daph, because he wasn’t drinking I swear.’

‘I promise Justin I won’t let them say anything about him that’s not true. Were you in the accident with him, how did you get this blood on you?"

"I was in a cab and when the driver told me there had been an accident I just knew it was him so I got out and helped the ambulance load him up but I had to come here in a cab because I have Gus. Oh shit! I better get to my office, I know that it was reported at the scene that he had a little boy with him and I agreed to get him checked out. I better do that, child services will be here soon. I won’t let them take Brian’s little boy.

 

Justin was very careful when it came to taking care of the cut that was on Gus’ forehead. The boy hadn’t said a word since they arrived at the hospital and he could only imagine what was going through his head but he wasn’t going to bring up anything unless he wanted to talk. He knew what this had to be reminding him of.

"Can I ask you a question Justin?" asked Gus.

"Sure Gus, you can ask me anything."

"Well it’s sort of two questions really."

"Okay."

"Are you going to be my new daddy?"

Justin didn’t exactly know how to answer that. What did he mean really?

"I would like very much to be your daddy Gus." replied Justin.

Justin was taken back when Gus begin to cry. He didn’t know what to say, Gus had come to the store and told him himself, that he wanted a new daddy so why was he crying now? Had Brian told him about what happened with his mothers.

"I didn’t want daddy to die! I just wanted to have two daddies. I don’t want you to be my new daddy. I wanted you two to be my daddies together." Gus explained as he began to cry even louder.

Just then as if the wires clicked in Justin head, he got what Gus was implying.

"Oh no Gus, your daddy isn’t dead. I mean they are working on him hard but he hit his head when he had his seizure so he’s going to sleep for awhile but I’m not going to be your new daddy not like that. I want to be what you asked of me, you know what you wanted me to tell Santa."

Gus looked hard into Justin’s eyes and he could tell that he wasn’t lying to him. That his father wasn’t going to die that he really meant that he wanted to be his dad with his dad. He hopped off the table and hugged his Justin as hard as he could.

 

Joan had been waiting at the Nurse’s Station for what felt like an hour but really had only be about twenty minutes. She hated getting that call. The "next of kin" call. She had just been through this with Jack and the girls and now here she was about to go through it again with her little boy. He was all she had left, Claire had distanced herself from her long ago and now she was going to loose her little boy and have to be a mother to Gus and Liddie. She didn’t want that, she really didn’t, when she threatened Brian. She just wanted him to be the man that she was positive he could be.

"Mrs. Kinney?" asked a nurse.

Joan was shocked when she turned to see a nurse holding Gus in her arms. Gus was such a big boy and he never clung to anyone like he was clinging to this nurse. Just the sight of it frightened her.

‘My son, is he--?"

"No ma’am, he had to have surgery due to his injuries in the crash. A doctor will be with you shortly he just had to check on a few things. Dr. Taylor has looked after Gus here and assured me that he is fine. Dr. Taylor saw that you had arrived and he told Gus it was alright if he came and sat with you. I hate to be the one to tell you this but a woman from child services is here to see you."

"Why? I’m Gus’ grandmother he will be going home with me."

"Ma’am according to her, some papers have been filed recently that might not let that happen. I’m so sorry, she said she would give you a moment with him and then she would be along shortly to explain everything. Well I need to get back to work."

Joan clung to her grandson after hearing those words, and she looked at Liddie who was sleeping in her Car Seat.

"Had he done it? Had Brian gone through filing papers so she couldn’t get her grandchildren?"

She really didn’t care at the moment. Debbie was a good woman and she knew that Debbie would let her see them whenever she wanted too. All that mattered now was for someone to come out and tell her what was going on with her boy. All she needed to know was that he was going to be alright after she had started all of this.

 

Claire Swanson burst through the ER doors as soon as she had gotten word. She was coming to town to see her brother and inform him of things, she didn’t know that she would have to be coming in her legal capacity. As soon as she heard of the accident, she had her office fax her the needed paperwork because she knew that Child Services were probably already on the scene.

Justin sat at the Nurse’s station reading the file over and over again. This couldn’t be happening.. A coma. Brian was in a coma. How could he go out there and explain it to the family. He looked and saw that they were all there, including Michael. He was sure that Michael would try and blame him for this. He hadn’t met the man but like twice and he knew that he didn’t like him. He would definitely find a way to blame him for all of this. Damn how could he pull this off. He could get Marty to explain everything. After all he was the doctor on call. He could just go sit with the family right? No they’d do it together. He closed the file and set out to find Marty so they could tell the family what was going on.

"Claire, what were you talking to Child Services about?" asked a concerned Joan.

"They were going take the kids, and I had to inform them of some recent changes on that front."

"What kind of changes Claire?"

"Nothing that concerns you mother."

"If it has something to do with the care of my grandchildren and the well being of my son, I assure you that it has everything to do with me."

"As Brian’s lawyer I’m not obligated to tell you anything mother, and as your daughter well you can go to hell!"

"I’m going crazy just sitting here. Someone needs to come out and tell us what is going on? Do they expect us just to sit here all night, and when I go up there they just say that a doctor will be with us shortly. Well damn it, how much longer do they expect us to wait!" Announced a very worried Deb.

"I’m sure they’ll get out here just as soon as they can Deb, the important thing is for us not to panic for Gus’ sake." added Ben.

Debbie was about to tell Ben exactly where he could stick his "Zen like" persona but she saw two doctors coming her way and well she was shocked that one of them was Justin.

They all listened as the doctor told them that Brian had a Grand Mal Seizure after the accident and he had hit his head and was now in a coma. The doctor told them that it was touch and go for the next 24 hours and that it was important that Brian woke up and that if he didn’t in the next 24 hours then there was a good chance that there could be damage.

"What does that mean?" asked a concerned Debbie.

"It means that when Brian wakes up he could be normal or there could be permanent damage because the oxygen was cut off from his brain."

‘My god, but there is a chance that he could wake up right? I mean that’s not taken off the table is it?" asked a nervous Joan.

"No he’ll wake up! Brian is young and strong and has so much to live for he’ll wake up Joan. I mean he has Liddie and Gus. He wouldn’t stay away from them. I mean look at me. In high school I was hit in the head with a baseball bat and in a coma for ten days. I became a doctor after that. Brian wouldn’t leave, he just wouldn’t." Justin couldn’t take anymore he stormed off after saying that.

‘Excuse me for a moment." announced Dr. Marty Ryder.

Marty caught up with Justin, he was leaning against the door frame trying to compose himself. He didn’t understand what the hell was going on but he did know that what Justin just did was unprofessional and he would have to tell him that he shouldn’t loose himself in front of a family like that.

"Justin what the hell is going on? You just lost it back there. It’s one thing to show compassion for a patient but what you just did was unprofessional!"

Brian isn’t just a patient Marty. He’s my everything, his son and his daughter we’re a family. They are my family and oh god if he dies or if he opens his eyes and he doesn’t remember what we have oh god Marty I think I’ll die. No I know it, I’ll die, I’ll fucking die!"

Justin couldn’t take it anymore. He had been strong for Gus, and had remained strong so that they would let him be there when they took care of Brian. But now after having to stand up there and tell his new family what was going on with Brian , he couldn’t hold up his facade any longer. He just needed to explode, and he had just done it in front of his boss. He didn’t even care about his job anymore. All he cared about was Brian.

Dr. Martin Ryder stood there shocked by the demeanor of his young colleague. He had heard that Justin was gay and that didn’t matter to him. Justin was a great doctor and to see him like he saw him right now hurt his very soul. He would never do this normally but Justin still had the features of a young child and before he knew it, he was standing there holding him, consoling him.

"What the hell is going on?" shouted Deb.

"Sunshine, Sunshine is a doctor. I know you knew this Michael and don’t try and deny it, why didn’t you tell me?"

"Ben and I only found out when we took the baby to the doctor, and well it wasn’t our place to tell and I don’t think Brian knew. I think that he was keeping it a secret from everyone because I think he was here the night the girls died."

"What do you mean?" questioned Emmett.

"Well he’s all secretive, I think he killed them!"

"Michael!" shouted Ben

"You don’t know the first thing about this kid and you know that he loves Brian. But you are just trying to draw more into something that you know nothing about!"

Everyone in their little area of the waiting room went quiet. They had never heard Ben speak to Michael in such a way. They were in a strong relationship and everyone knew that Michael could be possessive when it came to Brian but they all silently cheered Ben for being man enough to finally say something.

"Ben you were there, you know what happened? You know that he kept all of this from Brian."

"I know that he loves Brian. I know that when we thought something was wrong with our daughter he helped us and most of all I know that he put a smile back on Gus’ and Brian’s faces. Why can’t you just be happy about that and let things go?"

Michael looked around at all the faces and realized that maybe, just maybe he was going a little crazy with some things, so he took a seat and became silent.

Joan Kinney realized that maybe she had been holding on to her grandson to hard and that the time that she had with them was drawing to a close, when she saw the young social worker approaching her.

"Mrs. Kinney is it?"

"Yes I’m Joan Kinney, these are my grandchildren Gus and Lindsay."

"Well I hate to do this really I do, but due to papers that were filed recently I’m going to have to take the children while Mr. Kinney recovers."

"Seriously there’s got to be something that can be done. I may not have been one the best mothers but I love my son. I love my boy and these children are my life. He has a surrogate mother, a Debbie Novotny, maybe she could take the children?"

"I’m sorry Mrs. Novotny, in cases like this we have to take the children."

"Cases like what?"

"Well it appears that Mr. Kinney was drinking and his young son was in the car with him. They’ll have to be an investigation."

Justin really was getting frustrated now. How many more times was he going to have to explain that Brian had not been drinking that all of this was his fault. That he’d gotten angry and threw the bottle of Rum. Damn it people should really look at the evidence before them, before they start drawing their own god damn conclusions!

Joan looked up and saw her daughter approaching while she talked to the social worker. Surely Claire would help her right? There’s no way she would stand there and let this woman take the children away.

"Amber, he’s on duty. You can leave the kids I’ll make sure he knows." announced Claire.

The young social worker gave Claire a smile and left without saying a word too Joan.

"Who’s on duty? What the hell is going on?" questioned Joan.

"Justin, Brian has filed papers that if something were to happen to him, that his children would be left in the care of his domestic partner, one Justin Taylor."


	12. The Perfect Ending

"Domestic what!" shrieked Michael from across the room.

"Domestic partner, Claire is it?" asked Justin coming from across the hall.

"Yes, Brian sent me all the papers you signed recently and one of them was Brian making you his medical proxy and giving you full custody of his children if something happened."

"He gave me full custody. He’d do something like that, he barely knows me. I mean I just met him like a month ago."

"Oh but he does know you. He told me about all the times the two of you have met over the years, and I was there the day Mel and Lindz got married. That dance was a beautiful thing."

"I don’t really remember that."

"Oh?"

"It’s a long story. Listen it’s okay with me if Mrs. Kinney takes the kids home I mean it’s Christmas and Santa will be arriving soon. Gus shouldn’t miss that because of what happened tonight. I’m going to stay here of course."

"Okay Justin. I’ll make sure everyone knows that. Listen my brother can do things in a sort of unorthodox way but you, when he talks about you. You’ve changed him so much he wants to be so much for you. If he makes it through this please don’t take that chance from him."

"When." announced Justin.

"Pardon?" questioned Claire.

"When he makes it through this I won’t take the chance from him, I just hope that he still wants to give it too me."

"Why wouldn’t he?"

"Because---"

"Listen I’m sorry I’ve sat over there long enough and I just want to know how the hell did you do it. Are you really that good? Did you give him the best blow job he could ever have!" shouted Michael cutting off Justin and Claire conversation.

"You listen here you jealous bastard. I have to come here everyday and work and you will not bring my personal life around the people that I have to work with everyday because you are jealous and you can’t get over your school boy crush. We get it everyone know you love Brian and Brian loves you but he will never fuck you so get over it. You have a great guy sitting right there, why I don’t know, I guess he sees something in you that I just don’t so back the fuck off!"

"Claire make sure Joan and Debbie get the kids I’m going to be with Brian." stated Justin as he walked off.

A part of Justin wanted to tell Claire that it was a mistake, that he didn’t really know what he was signing when he signed that document. He remembered when Brian had him sign it. It was just to be temporary just something else to help his mother back off and he’d agreed to it. Why you ask? Because a part of him still thought that maybe it was cool that Brian had wanted him to be his husband. That was romantic wasn’t it. They had already been decked out in tuxedos and purposively had the best dance around and he couldn’t remember it. Why because another person who was suppose to love him decided he’d bash his brains in. Oh love, wasn’t it a splendid thing? No it was good that people thought that he was Brian’s partner. He could stay with him and by law there wasn’t a damn thing anyone could do about. That made a smile appear on young Justin Taylor’s face as he entered the room of one Brian Kinney.

Michael Novotny looked in on his daughter as she slept in her crib. She really was beautiful. He couldn’t believe how the world had changed in just a month. He had lost two of his closes friends and now his best friend was fighting for his life. But he had this. He had Imani and Ben and Hunter. He had a family. Brian was about to loose his if he died. What would happen to Liddie and Gus. They’d end up with Justin. The blonde whore.

"Why can’t it always be like this?" asked Ben startling Michael.

"I know what you mean. She’s beautiful, I love the fact that she’s ours. That she’s a part of you. She’ll be the best parts."

"Yea who knew selling all that sperm would be a good idea. Never thought I’d have to go back and make a withdrawal of my own seed, but that’s not what I meant."

"Well what did you mean? asked Michael obviously confused.

"Like now, I look at you and I’m happy. I know what you’re thinking about. You’re thinking of us and our family and even though Imani is young and really doesn’t understand this whole Christmas thing you can’t wait to see her eyes light up tomorrow. This moment right here is what’s making this so hard."

"Making what so hard Ben you’re scaring me."

"I love you Michael don’t you get that. You came to me and you told me that it didn’t matter about my HIV status and that you wanted to be with me for how ever long I have because you love me, but then in front of everyone you prove that is so not true."

"Of course it’s true! How can you say that it’s not true!" Michael shouted genuinely confused.

"Can’t be true. Not when you spit on what Brian and Justin have. Not when you constantly throw tantrums in front of our family and friends."

"Ben come on Brian is fighting for his life and I don’t care what that Justin says there’s something not right. How come no one knew he was a doctor? How come Brian didn’t know? He was so secretive and mysterious and I can see what you all don’t see. Everyone is blinded by his angelic like appearance but I know behind that angel smile is the face of a liar. Is the face of a killer!"

"There you go again with that shit!"

Michael couldn’t believe it. Ben was seriously mad. Michael had never seen Ben this upset and well he didn’t like it. He would have to come at this from another angle.

"Listen I know that I might have overreacted at the hospital. I know I did but when Claire came out of nowhere and said that Brian gave custody of his kids to Justin. We’ve known this guy for a month and now Brian wants him to look after his kids you got to be kidding me!"

"I guess you’d rather he left them to you?" Questioned Ben.

"Well yea, or Ma, or even Joan. She is trying her best for Brian to become a better person and I wasn’t behind her with wanting to take the kids but maybe just maybe she had the right idea. Brian is obviously not ready and so he is trying to push them off on anybody. I mean Justin Taylor please."

"Justin Taylor. A successful upcoming artists who has sold paintings all over the world for insane prices. Justin Taylor who is a successful ER doctor, who help us with our own daughter. Justin Taylor who we just left at the hospital upset and covered in the blood of his lover. Oh yea he must’ve been high when he made that decision"

"You’re not making any sense Ben, just sit and calm down, what are you saying?"

"I’m saying that I don’t know, that maybe, just maybe the man that I’m in love with isn’t there anymore, because you can’t be him. I don’t know what happened for him to disappear. I don’t know if you thought that when Mel died, Brian would want you to come to him and help him raise the kids but you’re not him. I’ve decided that we’ll go to your mother’s for Christmas tomorrow and when the holidays are over I’ll be taking my daughter and leaving."

"Your daughter?" question Michael.

"Yes, we went to the bank and received my sample. She is genetically and biologically mine. We filed the paper for you to be the second custodial parent but they have not been finalized yet. Thank god, so we can leave without this getting messy. Imani’s young she won’t remember you. The only sad part is well, I love you."

Michael didn’t even hear when the door close and Ben left. The sound of his heart breaking was louder than any sound he’d ever heard.

Justin didn’t like to think that it was true that money made the world go round and power but sometimes thing just proved to be oh so right. Like every since the folks found out Brian was his partner he was already in a nice room but when the word spread he got a nicer room up on the fourth floor with his own personal nurse paid to sit there and check his vitals at a certain interval. They greeted him with a smile and told him everything he wanted to know. Most of all they didn’t dare question his presence in the room.

"Merry Christmas Dr.. Taylor." announced Elizabeth Quatermaine as she entered Brian’s room awakening Justin.

"Merry Christmas Liz, how’s he doing?"

"Things are looking good looks like he might be waking up."

"Oh, that’s great. I’m going to step out I’ll be back.."

Joan was trying her best to enjoy Christmas but looking at the children and thinking of Brian lying there in that bed just cut her to the core. She was happy that the things were straighten out about his accident but one quick blood test was all that was needed to prove that he hadn’t been drinking enough to cause an accident. Now all he had to do was get better and things would get back to normal. Well that’s if things could get back to normal, right after the whole thing with his father. She had let that whole situation blow up bigger than it should have.

Justin had been in Brian’s room all day and they said that he’d been coming around and he had. He’d been moving and now all Brian had to do was open those eyes of his and then all would be well. All Justin wanted for Christmas, was to see Brian again. Justin didn’t care how things would go and if Brian hated him, all he wanted was for Brian to be okay. He was so tired though and he couldn’t help it, but before he knew it, he was sound asleep.

Waking up from a seizure can be a bitch thought Brian as he opened his eyes. First thing he took in was he was in a hospital and then it all came back to him. The lies, the betrayal, the accident and then….

"Gus!" Brian shouted beginning to panic.

"Brian! It’s okay, calm down relax everything is going to be fine." soothed Justin trying to get Brian to calm down.

"There was an accident.. I remember there being and accident and Gus was in the car with me. Is he alright?"

"He’s fine Brian, you bumped your head pretty badly and then your sister came and…..

"Claire! Claire was here?" shouted Brian cutting of Justin.

"Yea she came and informed us about what you did and what all those papers were that you had me sign."

"The papers!" shrieked Brian.

Just the mention of the papers made Brian realize what he’d done. He looked at Justin and all he saw was love and concern but that wasn’t the case. All he was, was a liar. He was as bad as his mother. He had to get rid of him. To look at him made his blood boil and he had just awakened and he didn’t need to get lost in the fog again. He’d send him away.

"What day is it?" asked Brian.

"It’s Christmas afternoon, everyone were here earlier but I sent them on their way.

"Do you think they would let you bring Gus and Liddie I need to see them?"

"Of course Brian I’ll go get them right away."

 

Michael should’ve been happy from the call from his mother that Brian was awake but he wasn’t. The man he loved had just walked out on him and was he coming back? Of course he was going to come back. That part was certain he had to come back and get "his" child. Was it really true? Was he really taking this Brian thing with Justin too far? If he was he couldn’t help it. There was just something about him that he couldn’t shake and yea maybe that was wrong.

"Hey." announced Ben entering their home.

"Hey yourself, I was afraid that maybe you weren’t coming back."

"Of course I was coming back Michael, Imani’s here. You’re here."

"Mom called. She said Brian is awake, it looks like he’s going to be okay."

"That’s great Michael, I’m surprised you’re not there. Seems like that would be a reason for you to go running there."

"At first I thought that you knew I should be there but then I decided that this is where I wanted to be. I can go see Brian anytime. I need to be here for you because I want our family to be together. We have to stay together because I love you."

After that statement was made the room was enveloped in a code of silence. Neither person said anything they just stared at each other. They knew that this was not the end but it definitely was a long way to be back to normal.

I knew. From the moment I walked back into the hospital I knew. It was there faces. They were sad and they were giving me that we’re so sorry look. It was the look that someone had died. And someone had. No Brian hadn’t died while I went to get the kids. They would have told me that so I wouldn’t bring them. No it was the death of something deeply important to me. It was the death of our relationship. I didn’t know what steps he had taken but I knew they were big once I got to his door and a nervous Joan Kinney stood there.

"Joan?" I questioned.

"Gus your dad can’t wait to see you and Liddie why don’t you go on in, Justin and I need to talk.

"Okay." Was Gus’ one word reply as he entered his father’s room.

"What? What has he done?" asked Justin trying his best to hide his panic but failing miserably.

"I’m so sorry Justin. I truly am and I didn’t expect his call but he called and told me you were going to get the kid’s from Deb but he asked me to get here first to stay with him."

"You? Why you?" Justin knew that he was being rude but he just didn’t give a fuck.

"Apparently he forgives me, or at least he’s liking me a little more than you at the moment."

"I didn’t mean for it to happen to Melanie and Lindsay. I did all I could."

"Oh sweetheart I know that, you could not control what happened to Melanie, hell even Brian knows that but it’s how he is. You betrayed him. You kept secrets and he can’t stand for someone to keep a secret. He gave you apart of him he hadn’t given anyone and then in the end you were lying. So now he doesn’t know what to believe. Like your feelings for him."

"What? He can’t believe that I was faking it. He can’t believe that I don’t love him. I love him Joan you have to know that. I love him so much."

"Oh dear I know that but give him this time and space. He doesn’t want you here. He talked to Dr. Ryder and they are assigning his case to someone else and you can’t come in his room. If he could he would’ve barred you from the hospital but he can’t because you’re on staff."

"I sat there while he was comatose. Sure it wasn’t too long but I sat there and I rode in the ambulance, I gave him everything I can’t have him. I love him!" screamed Justin.

Joan couldn’t help it the boy was so distraught she threw her arms around him and he cried. He cried for Brian. She couldn’t believe how heartless her son could be in a time like this. It was Christmas. It was Christmas and he was breaking this young man’s heart. If he wasn’t already hurt she’d hurt him.

"You go now and you have a good Christmas with your family."

"But Mrs. Kinney I…."

"Don’t let him see you down. He loves you and if this is meant to be it will be. Go, and have a good time with your family. Believe me, it’s hurting him just as much as it’s hurting you. Don’t let him see you this way.."

Justin wanted to throw her down and tell Brian Kinney that he wasn’t the hot shit that he thought he was he was cold diarrhea and that he didn’t love him, but he knew that he couldn’t because that was far from the truth. He pasted on the best smile that he could fine. Told one Joan Kinney Merry Christmas and left the hospital.

 

Brian needed time, Brian needed time that’s what everyone kept telling him but before he knew it, it was New Year’s and then Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day and the bastard still hadn’t come around it was Easter when they ran into each other again. They were at an Easter Egg Hunt that his parents were having for the children in the neighborhood. There was a big announcement that his sister was to make and he ran into Brian right before it happened.

"Hi." Brian said casually.

"Hey yourself." Justin’s reply.

"So do you have any idea what your sister’s announcement is?"

"Yea she finally found the perfect guy, she and he are going to get married."

"Oh, that’s good, he has to be a good guy for her to choose and he better be ready for a wild ride. Listen Justin I---"

"No, it’s fine Brian I understand. I lied because I was feeling guilty of something that I thought I had done. I’ve talked to my doctor’s and it’s just something that I do. I always think that if something bad happens and I’m around something that shouldn’t have turned out that way that it has to be my fault because of the brain damage but I’ve come to terms with everything. What happened to your sister and Lindsay was not my fault. I’m done feeling sorry for myself and I’m done apologizing and I’m done waiting on you!"

Brian watched as a frazzled Justin practically ran from the room. He wanted to reach out to him and tell him what a fool he had been and to tell him that he was sorry but he just couldn’t, he didn’t have that right anymore. Maybe the choice for him to do that was over. He really had blown it.

 

Christmas that Same Year

"I can not believe that you have conned me into this shit again!" shrieked Justin as he put on the striped shirt and green leggings.

"Oh come on everyone loved "Sunshine Santa’s Special Elf" last year. Don’t you want to see the look of those children’s faces as they see you." asked a over excitedly Daphne.

"You are too chipper right now Daph, and I think my head might explode."

"Oh no you don’t there’s nothing wrong with you and don’t go vomiting over the kids just so you can get out of this you hear me?

"Yes doctor."

Brian was nervous standing in line for Santa. It was a year ago today that his life had been changed forever. This was the day that his son had brought Justin into their lives and turned it upside down. Oh how he wished he could get back to times like that and get back to having Justin with him. He looked down at his little girl and she was smiling. She loved her "Uncle Justin." He remembered the first time he had heard her call him that. He couldn’t believe it. He knew that Justin had been around the kids of course because of Joan and Jenny but to hear her say that he thought that he’d be angry but truth be told, he would like it better if she called him another name. He looked to his left where Gus had been standing only to discover he was gone. Where on earth had he gotten too.

A year had been long enough is what young Gus Peterson thought as he went through the twists and turns that was Taylor’s Department store looking for what he hoped had become a tradition. He was giving up hope when he saw just the person he wanted to see emerge from the back with Daphne and the line was forming and he knew that he had to get there quick if he wanted to be first and if he wanted to make the family that he tried his best to make a year prior.

Brian stopped dead in his tracks. It had been on Halloween, the last time he had seen Justin. It was the first time he had noticed that he had let his hair grow out and he was no longer a blonde he was brunette. He wanted to tell him that he looked ridiculous but then their eyes met and he realized that Justin could be wearing a paper bag and be completely bald and he’d love him. Now he son stood in line to sit on his lap and tell him what he wanted for Christmas. He knew what it was. He had told him himself many nights ago what it was and truth be told it was what he wanted to but he knew that he had wasted to much time being an asshole for that to happen. So all he could do was get in the back of the line so that Liddie could sit on his lap and then he’d take them back home and paste a smile on his face even though he was dying inside.

Justin knew that unruly mop of hair and eyes anywhere. There was only two people with that look. Brian and his clone. He couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he remembered how this all started just like this a year ago. Then it was his turn and he flopped on his lap heavily and gave him a look.

"Well hey there little boy, why don’t you tell Sunshine the Elf what you want for Christmas?"

Gus was about to say something smart but out of the corner of his eye he saw his father staring at him intensely.

"Well Sunshine, I’m not here for me. I’m here for my dad I know exactly what he wants for Christmas this year."

"What?" Justin asked nervously.

"Well he realized what an ass he was last year and he was hoping that he could get back together with the guy he was seeing."

"Really? Are you sure about that.?"

"Yea I mean he tries to act as if he doesn’t care but ever since he saw this guy on Halloween he keeps talking about him and asking his mother about him and trying to put himself where he is you know."

"Really?" questioned.

"Yea, now listen it’s time the two of you stop this. We’ll be at the diner tonight so when you can break meet us there!"

And like that he had hopped off his lap grabbed a bewilder Brian from line and drug him from the store.

Michael Novotny decorated the small tree in his apartment while his little girl danced around his feet. He smiled at her and she smiled back and went with playing with the ornaments in the box. She truly was beautiful and he loved her so much.

"Hey." announced Ben entering the room.

"Hey, how was work?" asked Michael kissing Ben on the cheek.

"It was okay but I’m going to have to go in tomorrow and I know that this is the last minute but could Imani possibly stay here and I pick her tomorrow night?"

"Of course Ben you know you don’t have to ask."

"Good, listen I know that this year has been hard for you and well I’ve been thinking that maybe after the Christmas holidays that maybe Imani and I could come back home?"

"Oh Ben I promise things will be different this time." Michael shouted jumping into Ben’s arms.

 

Brian couldn’t take it any longer. He had been waiting at the diner for Justin for over two hours now. His mother and Deb sat at the counter deep in conversation about him no doubt. Even somehow George and Emmett had shown up to see their reunion but it wasn’t happening.

"Gus be good for your grandmother and take care of Liddie I’m leaving now." announced Brian sliding from his booth.

"Oh come on dad don’t you want to give him a little more time?" asked Gus.

"No, I think I’ll leave now.

Brian was getting up to leave the diner but the bell over the door begin to ring announcing the arrival of someone and his eyes locked with those blues he’d been dying to see and he was a across the room in three big steps.

They couldn’t stop touching each other. And kissing, Justin’s kisses never tasted this good and now at this very moment he knew that it was how he wanted it to be that it couldn’t get any better than this. He finally broke away from Justin so he could look into his eyes.

"Hi." was his one word response to Justin.

"Hi yourself." replied Justin.

"So tell me Sunshine how’s your holiday been going so far?"

"I’d say after that kiss well it’s perfect.


End file.
